Friend Of Court

Phone calls have continued from the kids dads. Did you call friend of court and raise my support? Did child support go up? Apparently they are working two jobs with child support being taken from both.

Did they expect friend of court to need my permission to take money owed? Or that I needed to make contact for them to do so? Maybe they think their child isn’t worth the money?

I have paid little attention throughout the years to the friend of the court and the goings on of child support. Most of my cases came to be by the fathers. The one father who never took me to court is the one without the child support case.
So they take me into this mess then at every turn think I have caused it.

How does this make sense? There is a formula for child support. I didn’t make the friend of the court’s formula. It wasn’t me who enforced that. The amount set forth is a minor fraction in what I have spent for their child.

So explain how on earth is it that call after call to me is in regards to friend of court. I haven’t wasted my time trying to figure out the issues at hand for any of the dad’s. My only response has been call friend of court.

To be honest I am quite proud of myself. I have been known to pay my own child support. To ensure a dad didn’t go to jail. Written letters forgiving money owed. Stressed upcoming court dates. Now my response is simply call friend of court.

It’s taken me some time to decide it was not my worry. See I go without everyday for my kids. Never have I bought for myself before them. I don’t strut my stuff in new shoes and my kids in old. The dad’s I am not sure can say the same after all here they are complaining of the support again.

I can’t remember complaining of going without for mine. Maybe it’s the thought of me having the money that bothers them so. Trust me money in my possession is never mine. It’s supporting the household in which 8 (7 plus my extra who is mine just not by blood) children never go hungry. They never fear homelessness. Disney trips, school supplies, clothing, food, electricity, WiFi ( WHAT KID CAN LIVE WITHOUT!) All those needs are meet by me. Do you think the support you pay covers that.

Is there a limit to what you would give your kids? Isn’t complaining to friend of court of the money they take from you like complaining of supporting your kids? Do you want to limit what opportunities they have and give yourself more?

I just can’t get my mind around it this morning. Can’t come to terms with the phone calls. Complaining of supporting your child seems so selfish to me. Did I only have children with selfish men?

Now my kids see their father to be told he won’t purchase something because that is what the support is for. Child support should buy your birthday presents not me. That is an actual statement made to my child this week. What the heck does that do to their self worth.

My kids looked at the child support numbers and seen it as their worth. Even making I am worth 324$ a month comments. Again my mind is blown away. How do we put a price on our children? How do we then complain of it being to high?

I wish I could show them. The thought process that they have I just can’t understand. Fills me with sorrow.


Gymnastics At Home Made Easy

As a mom of three girls gymnastics plays a big role in our household. Our girls have always always loved our local swim and gym program. There they can use the mats and feel safe and comfortable practicing their gymnastics.

Longing to give them that same feeling and confidence to practice their gymnastics skills at home I took to a search. Really unsure what I was looking for I stumbled across Wholesale Inflatable Airtrack. A website selling inflatable tracks for tumbling and gymnastics.

“BOOM that is it exactly what the girls need!”

Looking further I find a gymnastics training set. This set seems like the perfect one for us. It had included with it an air floor, two air boards, an air block, and an air roll. This to me also looked like the best bang for the buck option.

Exploring color option I find out they have green. Green is my absolute all time favorite color. If I could have everything in my life to be green I surely would so this was a definitely another huge positive in my book. They had mint green and dark mint green. It’s a real toss up as to which I would choose as I love them both so much.

While I am in awe of the awesome color selection choices I notice that they offer free logo printing. The girls will absolutely enjoy making a awesome logo to put on them. Or even better maybe I could use it as a promoting tool and place my blog logo on them. So when everyone comes over to hang out on our cool gymnastic gear in our yard they see my logo.

This option being free could turn into free advertisement for my blog. If the girls took them to grandmas or a sleepover there is my blog logo getting seen. Now my gears are turning. The possibilities are endless. Make sure if you choose the logo to follow these steps:(Please add a note to your order for the logo printing in your cart before check out, and send the logo picture to:

It also includes free shipping and a free repair kit. Free shipping for me is a big deal because those fees can really add up quickly. Having a repair kit ready on hand too seemed like a good idea. It is a requirement to purchase or have a pump sold separately. Have a good plan for such.

Overall I think this is on my purchase list as soon as we move. It would be a big hit for our family for sure. What do you guys think? Factory outdoor games airtrackus gray surface purple side air mat for tumbling.png

*Disclaimer, This is a sponsored post in which I was compensated for my honest feedback. I was not paid to give a positive review or to lie. Only to give my honest and open feedback. The opinions are in fact mine and not acting.

Blogging Can Be Overwhelming!

Blogging is my love. Since I was little I loved to write and I loved math. I hated that people were so critical of each other’s writing’s. Worry little about the grammar and more about the message. There is a time and place for perfecting of course but if we criticized less we may be able to read more of the message.

When I started blogging I decided I would never edit my blogs. I quick proofread while writing was all that was needed. My thoughts aren’t meant to be perfect. I wanted to hold nothing back. Share my feelings without regard to what others may think of it.

Later I realized what a tool my blog was. That I could use it to gain Ambassadorships. Leading to many perks. Then the Affiliates started to roll in.  Blogging gaining me my Subaru Ambassadorship. In that moment I realized I really enjoyed voicing my opinion on products that I loved.

I sent out my media kit to 250 brands. Thinking a small blog wouldn’t get noticed by many of those. Then the responses started rolling in. The merchandise is coming to the door like crazy. Blogging was opening doors like I had never imagined.

I remember watching videos of these bloggers showing off their merch. and telling of it and thinking “Dang… that is cool!” Seeing them try things I had never even heard of. It sounded like something I would have so much fun with. I thought all my volunteering would give so many options to share in person and my blog was my outlet to tell the world.

Now here I am one of those girls from the video! Books and gifts flowing in. Trying hard to keep up with the email offers and the social media post. Oh and for the love of engagement! I mean honestly who can keep up with all of this?

Is it child labor if I enlist kid’s to help me code? Lol Today I had to get my 16 year old to show me to link my blog to pinterest and claim my website. The learning curve is crazy. So here I sit a million post to write and instead I rant of the million things I must do instead. Seems completely logical to me!

Growing this blog and writing and enjoying the perks that come with is my passion and drive. Raising eight kids and keeping up with all that there is to do for my blogging to reach it’s potential it’s overwhelming!

Anyone have tips to be less overwhelming blogging? Or just good time managements tips in general? Blogging takes more time then a full time job except you have less accountability.

Glasstastic Water Bottle

Oh my goodness who knew how many fun products I could get to try and fall in love with? I surely didn’t! It’s so exciting getting things in the mail. This week I got the perfect product to test out. It was so fitting for my week too. I got a glasstastic water bottle.

I truly have a love for all things green. Lime green being my favorite shade but there isn’t a shade I don’t enjoy. When I opened my bottle to find it a beautiful lime green I was stoked.

The bottle is a glass bottle inside of this shatter proof shell. The shell can hold design pages that you can get from the company or create your own. As a color junkie I found this to be the coolest feature.

That’s not all this cool bottle has for features. The lid has a locking position. So this came in so handy while at a farm this week volunteering. There was the cutest toddler who tried to steal my water and couldn’t open it. I thought this was fantastic for my mommy friends who still have the little ones running around. Glasstastic is genius for that move.

I filled my glasstastic cup in the morning before heading out to the farm and when I left at 4:45 my last swig of water was still cold. I was super impressed because the farm was not air conditioned by any means.

The only thing I would have changed about the glasstastic water bottle is that I would have added a straw feature. Simply because I’m a straw junkie. Love those things. It maybe could be added for a side feature that I could buy separate? I’m pretty sure I could find one to fit it in a drawer somewhere in my kitchen if I tried.

Overall I love my cup the mouth piece isn’t over sized. It holds temp very well. Cleaning is very easy. The design is neat and I love that it’s shatterproof. I would rate it a 10 out of 10! I think I’ll grab a few more so that I can have one for the kids in public school for their desk water is so important for our bodies.

*( Disclaimer I was given this product free of charge in exchange for my honest opinion. I was not paid to lie nor give a positive review.)

Shedd Aquarium

My son just turned 7 years old! My youngest, the baby of the bunch. If you have read some of my other post you know he struggles with Autism. He has little control of his emotions. For his birthday his wish for our outing together to be Shedd Aquarium.

We had been to Shedd once before with all of the kids. About two years ago I would say it’s been since our visit. Myself I had gone once with Marc as well. Kind of an adult date trip. This trip being more recent I knew the lay of the land upon arrival.

The tripped was planned for us to take the two little boys. This is a difficult task for many reason’s.

A) They both have disabilities that can make being in crowds difficult!
B) Fighting between the two is like world war 3.
C) Neither can handle car rides more then about 15 mins.
D) The attention span is extremely limited for either of them.

So I thought I would plan it well and nip anything I could in the butt. Putting snacks in the car for a pass time activity. I brought a charger and a tablet. Making sure I could turn on my mobile hot spot on my cell phone for the tablets to use. I knew parking was close to the building but would cost $25. No biggie it was worth it to me. I even had planned to position myself between the two boys if the car ride got difficult.

The car ride to Chicago went smooth as silk. Paytyn slept the entire trip. Leaving Aaden access to the snacks and tablet and our time. So he was just fine. A few “are we there yet” comments came from him but not enough to be an annoyance.

Then we are attempting to park at Shedd to be told that was pretty much impossible. I picked a day that had a bears game at the same time. They sent us to a parking garage about a mile and a half from shedd! Pulling into that garage we determine the cost to park is $40. Yikes!  Having no alternative plan we have no choice but to fork out the dough.

This leaves me feeling like I have already screwed up. It sets the tone for me to start feeling at fault for all that will go wrong through the day. Marc feel stressed at the thought of me walking. Knowing the day before my pain was really high and this could not be good for it.

Now I realize Paytyn is dressed a bit warm for the outdoor unplanned walk and the three of us are all in flip flop type sandal’s. Again this rest on my shoulders. Marc gets what I perceive as upset on a few situations. This makes me just meltdown. In my head I am torturing myself for everything not going our way.

A large tunnel before us that we must walk through to get to the Shedd Aquarium. Through that tunnel I am pep talking myself in my head. Telling myself everything isn’t my fault. Trying to convince me that Marc isn’t angry at me. Things have been out of my control I keep repeating to myself. I even thought of this post I would make later. Writing it out in my head as we walked.

I told myself once we exited this never ending tunnel I would let go of any mistake I felt blame for and give myself a clean slate. We stepped out and into the light and I took in a deep breath and let go.

With the Shedd in sight I felt a bit relieved. The boys, Marc, and I eagerly climbed the stairs into the building. There was a line for checking in as we stood Paytyn and his no filter begun making comments of the other guest in line.

“Mom look at the lady with the black on her elbows. Why doesn’t her mom tell her to wash it!”

Oh my goodness, I begin trying to quite him. I can feel the anxiety rise as I start to worry about what others are thinking of my sweet boy.

Marc saves the day taking the boys to check out a statue made from recycled garbage. This leaves me to just focus on getting our tickets and picking our time for the 4d movie and dolphin show. He seriously is amazing and seems to know just when I need him to help provide a distraction. We work like a well oiled machine.

Once we have tickets in hand we are off. Things go well for the most part except Paytyn has no concept of personal space. Plowing through people when ever he saw fit. Marc and I offering apologies for his perceived as rude behavior.

A little girl sitting on the floor attraction Paytyn’s attention and he finds a seat next to her. She brings up her fear of spiders because they suck your blood. “Here we go”, I think to myself.

“Well that is a lie. Vampires suck human blood but spiders don’t!” Paytyn exclaims.

The mother chimes in saying that the spiders make a web and suck insects blood so she is partially right. I change the subject quickly so we can refrain from Paytyn elaborating on the vampires.

The walks between rooms or exhibits I must stop Paytyn from punching and hanging on his brother. He hangs from my limbs the entire day. Pulling my arm nearly out of it’s socket on more then one occasion. Aaden gets a bit ahead a few times and must be wrangled back in. For the most part it did go pretty smoothly.

My favorite parts were the Dolphin show and the 4d movie. The movie was a fish movie. The seats would shake and vibrate. There was air that blew out at you. Bubbles going off from every direction. Of course we were splashed with water which the boys loved. You could see the boys reaching to grab at the four d objects floating before us.

The Dolphin show had lights and sounds that I was a bit worried may upset Paytyn. We were sitting at the end of the isle in case we needed to exit. We were in the second row perfect for viewing but the people in front of us had the back of their heads in several of the pictures I took. Lol. The dolphins jumping was an incredible feat to watch. Simply blown away was I.

The boys enjoyed their time. A mcdonalds trip on the way home left them with full bellies to pass out the trip home. Making that a smooth ride. The pictures and moments were priceless. Each smile made the stress worth it!

Early Readers Bible

So guys I got accepted into this really cool program. Booklook is a program that sends me books at no cost to give my honest opinions too. I am not required at all to give positive reviews and I got to pick what I’d like. So I picked books we truly had interest in. My first pick was the Early Readers Bible.

I choose this book because of my girls. A few years back my daughter started a carpool to her youth group. Later that lead to a bus of kids being picked up for this youth group. It just grew so quickly. It was truly inspirational! The kids get points for learning bible verses and completing task to bring them closer to God.

Clare has a bible she takes and she gains the points. With her learning disability the bible she had was impossible for her to read or understand on her own. So it was with her but she was gaining no knowledge from it. Just carrying it to collect the points.

When the Early Readers Bible came and she was able to read and understand it I was over joyed. It made her light up like a Christmas tree. She enjoyed the pictures that break up some of the difficult text and make it easier to relate.

She now could use her bible to gain knowledge of our savior. I give that a 10 stars! The hard cover is superb for in case she drops it on the bus it’s sturdy and can hold up to a bit of a beating if it needs. Clare having 7 siblings you know that is a need!
Clare is a girly girl all the way. She loves bling and fashion. She loves pink’s and purples. The bible has a very bright and glittery pink cover. It fits her perfectly and would most teen girls her age.

Help your kids get excited about learning God’s Word! The NKJV Early Readers Bible offers the respected New King James Version® translation and 192 pages of helpful maps, charts, articles, study tools, and more. It’s the perfect first full-text Bible for children ages 7 to 10, and it comes in a fun, shiny foil cover they will love.

I am delighted to have this book on our shelves. Clare and I both would absolutely recommend this for the younger middle school and late elementary age kids. I think I myself will be buying a second for Clare’s little sister now who is jealous of the gift her sister received. 🙂

*Disclaimer ( I was given this book for free to review and was not paid for a positive opinion simply a honest one.)

Three Good Things: A Gratitude Journal

Have you ever heard of a gratitude journal ? I’ll be honest I hadn’t! Then I was blessed to be apart of a group that got to Three Good Things : A Gratitude Journal for the first time in exchange for an honest review. Stoked was I. I mean truly my entire blog is kind of a journal so this seemed right up my alley!

I was emailed four weeks of the journal to implement in my life. I really wanted to make sure I gave this my attention and time so I could give an honest review. So I made sure to set aside time before bed each night to log in the journal.

I think we lose sight in remember the good things that happened on a day that overall wasn’t so good. I know that on days I’m in pain I truly forget the little great moments of the day. This journal it held me accountable to remembering and embracing those good things throughout my day.

It’s almost humbling at the end of a bad pain day to sit and only focus on the good things. See my blog as a journal it’s not always about the good. So this was refreshing to only focus on those moments. My timing of before bed writing was perfect! It left me going to sleep with only the thoughts of the good things through the day! Setting me up for a good nights sleep.

The bottom of each journal page sets an inspirational quote. One by Oprah I will probably now remember forever.

“True forgiveness is when you can say, ‘Thank you for that experience'” -Oprah Winfrey

Overall I would rate the journal a 10! I think we all should take the time to remember the good things and this journal gives you the drive to do just that. Everyone should you give it a look HERE

Gaining a Mother

I often sit and stare at Marc in the early morning hours and think of all the things I gained when he entered my life. The top of that list is gaining a mother. Longing for a close mother daughter relationship my entire life that I just couldn’t achieve.

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Marc spent lots of time telling me of his mom long before I meet her. I remember him telling me that he was slowly telling his mom of my presence because he wanted her to know how serious he was about me. He wanted her to love me as he did. I patiently waited for the moment he felt was right to meet her.

Honestly if Marc had asked me a month in to marry him I would have eagerly. I’ve known without a doubt he was my forever since the moment I meet him. So his mother loving me was very important.

I envied the relationship he had with his entire family.  It didn’t bother me to go home twice a week while he went to dinner with his family. I thought I was blessed to have a man who valued family.

After meeting his mother I fell in love with her just as I had Marc. Instantly, and completely. I felt honored when she welcomed me with open arms. My worries of it being hard to accept her son taking on such a big role dating me prominent. Mentioning to Marc a few times I worried that no mother would want their son with a women who had 8 kids. The baggage that comes with that is just a burden to bare at times. Understanding as I was that could be a possibility I prayed it would be overlooked.

I crave time with his family almost as much as I crave his time. Having his mom to shop and giggle with feels fulfilling. This week we went to a Amish grocery store and shared things we had picked up in the store that made us think of Marc. I laughed and felt good from within even though I was pretty much in extreme pain from the moment I woke up that morning.

Looking back to shopping with my mom I can’t remember much. I remember a trip when I must have been maybe 18 or 19 her buying me a new outfit. It was a brown 3-4 sleeve top with blue glittering design. I picked it because it was the only one she didn’t look at me with disgust in. Every time I came out the dressing room she had nit picked what didn’t look good. This shit hadn’t gotten that reaction. I remember being thankful that we had finally found a fat girl shirt that covered me enough to please her. Never do I think she enjoyed time out with me. She seemed stressed by it and never enjoyed what I shared just had an opinion to what was wrong about it. Over time I stopped sharing and started using my time to avoid time with her.

Marc’s mom has given me all the warm fuzzy feelings I could not let myself feel from my own mom. Limiting what went in my cart because I could get a negative reaction wasn’t necessary. She didn’t look to see what sugary junk I may have purchased for my kids. It was my money so she didn’t care as to how I was spending. In fact every interaction with his mom is positive.

Can you believe he shares her!? Seriously not sure if she was mine that I could so easily share her. Greedily would want all her time to myself. I love chatting to her about Marc sharing things so I can get her opinion on how to strengthen us. Or chat about his hurt shoulder and how I can help him. She is so intelligent on so many things I just want to pick her brain.

We went walking the farm Hailey and I have been helping and hanging out at. Watching his mom with the animals was so uplifting. That gentle sweet nature. She could of cared less of the messy drool faces or muddy paws. She loved up all the animals and I stood back and watched. Her interactions with the kids seem so natural like she has been their grandmother their whole lives. Nine and a half months feels like a lifetime.

The best thing is that she makes time for us. We don’t need to be squeezed into a scheduled and have time limited. As a priority to her she just makes sure there is time. Blessed am I for such a wonderful mother to gain.

Effects of Abuse

You know I don’t feel safe with my bathroom door closed. That is one of the crazy effects of abuse that still linger. I remember being 17 pregnant with my first child. In my own apartment. I had a job I could walk to. I had the perfect location. I was happy and alone.
Then Keith appeared back into my life. He showed to my home after daily letters sent for seven months there he was. Within days the abuse began again. I believed all the things are different it will be better. There I was locked in a bathroom my ex husband beating down the door to get to me. His best friend in my living room pretending not to hear my cry’s. I can’t remember why we were fighting.

The bathroom door split down the middle with him trying to burst in. The metal towel hook on the back of the door busting open the back of my head as I was standing against the door attempting to not let him in. Down to my knees I fell. Finally the friend gets him away and they leave. Damage was done the landlord no longer wanted me there after the destruction to her property. I no longer wanted the bathroom door closed. That trapped feeling lingered.
Another effect of the abuse still lingering is I feel responsible for anyone around me having any negative feelings. If Marc is bummed from work and I can feel that he is not his happy self. Instantly I feel it’s my fault.

We stood in the kitchen him explaining how he simply can’t always be happy. He will have a stressful day it won’t be my fault. I fell to the ground in tears. Him just saying he won’t be happy made me feel like I was failing him. Of course how darn overwhelming for him. Just telling his girlfriend he can’t be happy all the time sends her to tears. Any grumpy day I take on as my responsibility and it in turns ruins my day. Overwhelmed with sadness if he isn’t in a good mood. No matter what I say to myself I can’t convince my mind he isn’t mad at me. That he won’t leave me.
I want so badly to erase the abuse. The effects of the abuse are holding me hostage. Imagine how hard it must be to love me? With me constantly taken on blame for all negative feelings you ever have. All great love is meant to be hard I guess.
Will the effects of the abuse linger forever? Will I trust in being enough for Marc? Is there ever a end to feeling like I fail him? I apologize more than I say I love you some days. Saying sorry for dinner being late. For dinner being less than perfect. I apologize when things are completely out of my control because I feel as though it is my burden.

I can’t have an normal life. The effects of the abuse I have endured changed me. Now what is there to do to make myself easier to love. How can I let Marc have a bad day and not worry that he is making me sink in depression from it? How do I shut the bathroom door and not feel overwhelmed? How do I move forward?


I have been debating in my mind writing a letter. Debating if it’s worth my time. Even debating if it would lead to me feeling better or debating if it will leaving me feeling worse.
Back in forth my mind debating to put the pen to the paper. To say all that I never did. To speak of the heartache I still endure. To tell him exactly how I feel about his cop out parenting.

I debate writing a letter and inserting the nasty Facebook’s from other family members or the “how dare you speak of him that way”. Debate telling him my unfiltered thoughts.
Would that be a weight off my chest to speak freely in such a way? Or would it simply create more letters in my inbox? Would it make drama, where there is now none? Can you see why there is a debate in it’s writing?
I have thought of it often driving down the road alone debating the words I would write. It’s been weeks now the debate has been in my head. I have yet to tell Marc of the nasty emails I got. I haven’t spoke of the said debate in my head.
He’s taken on lots of work stress and his time is thin with all he’d like to do with his new large family so I’ve been just allowing my own thoughts to debate against each other. As you can see it’s gotten me no where. No one word written, not sure if I ever will. I have so much to say. I debated an open letter on my blog and yet I wondered if the truth could get me sued. Not much nice I could possibly say you know?
I just wonder do you forget the entire life you had and why you had it? Or do you make it known the actions you paid for your entire life. The awful inboxes, do I stand up and throw punches back or let the memory or those fade. Revel in you will never miss out on your kids like they will…. ????