What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

50 yards like a pro!

While sitting in bed the other night the topic of being prepared comes up between Marc and I. Can’t really sure what lead up to the conversation as that has become fog in my memory now. However it was very deep to lay in bed and ponder together. My entire life has been a path …

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Each social setting seems to show me more how much my social anxiety is taking control. Longing for family for so long and now that I have some… I get tongued tied and can’t even speak when in their presence. Over the weekend I went to a social event. One that should have been my …

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It’s almost my bday again. How quickly that came and the year passed. I’ve become one of those people who has to ask google how old they will be this year. I’ve messed up my own age more times than I am able to count. Always making myself older than I am. Maybe that comes …

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For awhile I thought that I had gotten out of the mindset that I swear I’ve been in since a toddler. Thinking that I was past just surviving and out of the survival mode. Truth is I now believe that is my way of life. In a sense it’s also my super power. Everything falling …

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Oh the words are just not here, everything I want to say at the tip of my tongue. Typed and deleted line after line with nothing on the screen now. I desperately have been trying to break the chains of my past that are weighing me down. Moving through the trauma is the toughest thing …

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So remember a while ago writing about all the death thoughts creeping in at all the wrong times. Honestly being a pretty constant presence in my life for some time. I had initially thought it was a medication problem. Only to be convinced it wasn’t after adjusting them. Turns out it was the wrong adjustment. …

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Here I am again same thoughts ramped in my brain. I truly thought for some time that it was my medications. I switched three damn times before giving up and realizing it’s me… my head and nothing more. Shaking the thoughts of death is not working for me. There just has to be a way …

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The virus has seriously changed the world now. Myself, I was already struggling with socializing before it came into play. Now that it’s here and sticking around I find myself less and less engaged with anyone outside of my home and Marc’s family. Now don’t get me wrong I am still gifting the world with …

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It’s funny how different my thought process is now from the time I was beginning this blog. I thought I was already defined and telling you all the things that made up me…. Now it’s clear what defined me yesterday doesn’t today and I chose my definition everyday as I grow. The changes are non …

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Luxury

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Being in this world right now is pretty crazy right? Truth be told though I’ve been trapped many times and in far far worst circumstances. The biggest challenge for me is that being trapped now brings up so many of  those very harsh memories. It does however also make me very grateful for the time …

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