What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

This weekend we had Klowey and Clare bear with us. Klowey is almost 11 years old and Clare bear is 13. I was in search of a good planner, Marc was in search of a outlets strip for our bed, the girls were in search of a craft they could make grandma! We thought we …

Continue reading

My Character Flaws

daniellemomof8gmailcom

I have been thinking a great deal of my character flaws lately. Some that I didn’t really know were flaws before. I have this need to help. Maybe it’s a need to feel needed. I’m not sure. I really can’t say I have many friends. I have people from the past that I spent my …

Continue reading


July 14, 2018

I honestly have never paid attention to the Friday the 13th propaganda. Never had a Friday the 13th just stand out as a bad day or anything of that nature. Just another day. Maybe even picked fun of the day being Friday the 13th. Teased of it a bit. I won’t ever again after the day I had yesterday.
I woke up feeling excited! Marc had talked me into getting myself a new phone that day. He has honestly been trying for 3 months at least. I had even been there to get last month and backed out thinking it just wasn’t in the budget. Marc puts me above everything so I have to keep reigns on that. Can you imagine? Not to get off track but I bet he got hurt and taken advantage of a lot throughout life for that unselfish nature of his. Good news is we compliment each other perfectly. For as much as he loves me and wants to take care of me I do him as well. So I watch his bills like a hawk and make sure not to let on I am in need of a thing if I think things are a bit tighter one week. It is working perfectly we are balancing things well together.
I had already worked out which phone I wanted and that he thought was a good fit for my needs. I knew I would go through my cable company. They have a special deal that also fit my needs. It was all perfect. Or so I thought.
Remember how I bought my freedom back in December? Moving out of the home I worked so hard for and leaving behind the abuse. Well I had not ever transferred the cable’s address from there. Yes, I know what your thinking over 7 and a half months and you didn’t transfer that is lazy. It so was!
So now I can’t order a phone online until I change that. No biggie right? Comcast says moving is easy. My service is all working at my new home it always has been. Should just simply be transferring the bill to a new spot. Which I go paperless so that won’t even happen. I got online to change it.
Turns out I have a past due bill. If I am being honest I always do. I pay the past due each month never seem to pay it off at all. When I first moved I needed the first month to catch up from the moving expense. So I skipped it and just never was current again. So you have to be current to transfer the address. Well fine no biggie. I will pay bill now and transfer.
Wrong again I was! Payments even though taken from card instantly won’t process to the account till the next day. I can’t change it still. So lets drive up there and just speak with a human and get my phone on the spot I think. Friday is the perfect day for that. Right?
Your answer is once again NO! I got to comcast sitting in the waiting room when Larry’s Mom walks in. ( Larry was my second husband who spent most of our marriage in prison. ) She sees me instantly. Making the situation uncomfortable as hell. I do what I always do in an uneasy situation. I text Marc. Talking to him soothes me. He knows me completely and he will know I’ll need to just talk and him to be my distraction.


I hear her comments of how I married her son for the money. I am not sure if it was the Little Caesar paycheck or the $700 a month from the Indian center that she was referring to. I hear her tell the Comcast worker of how he tried to kill himself because of me. I flashed to the day my ex husband with a noose around his neck hanging from a tree. I tried to block out the comments. To remember it wasn’t my fault.
The guilt was thick in my head already. It’s finally my turn in line. I explain all my needs to the lady before me. My phone and address. She tells me okay and proceeds. Next thing she is speaking of shutting off service. So I explain how I have kids at home alone. That my 16 year old has my 7 year old autistic son and that he can’t not have a phone to reach me. If anything we were doing could leave me without service lets wait till Monday. When I would be home to care for the kids.
She gets a manager to confirm my needs. That I won’t have anything interrupted. He tells me that it will only go off to reboot the max will be 5 to 15 mins. I call home to let the kids know that. Making sure they know how to go to access a cell phone in an emergency.
Proceeding forward the woman ask me what services I would like. I am confused since I had what I wanted and simply wanted to add mobile service. The call from the kids comes. They have no services at all. It’s been 20 mins. The women tries to finish the order of my cable. Asking me oh you had lifetime movie club right? You had stars right? I can give you unlimited internet at 50$ a month. A discount. I pause I had that for 25$ a month already I was locked in for 6 more months to that price.
Now your a new customer though she says. WHAT!?! Right then I knew mistakes had been made. I was not intending to be a new customer or reorder service just add a phone. Apparently she was trying to get me a gift card. The kids are panicked it’s been 40 mins without service.
She tells me that she is going to send a signal with a help ticket and get things taken care of. Except almost instantly says oh no after the words leave her mouth. I look up… smile gone. I ask did you just fuck me exactly how I said you would and you promised you wouldn’t? Her response, “yes”. I was instantly panicked. Knowing I would be going to Lansing for 5 hours and the kids would not have any cable now. No internet and even worse no phone.
I get the manager whose entire story changed now it takes 24 hours. Or maybe by the time I get home. I can’t order a phone at all now. I am a new customer requiring deposits and a tech to come out. The system says my lines have been plugged for a year and don’t work. Clearly I have had service since December! I’m now in tears. Irate and worried of the kids. To the manager I say, “You sir are a liar and should be ashamed. I think you should shove your LIES up your ass!” Disconnect EVERYTHING I will NOT ever use comcast again. I storm out.
I text Marc and ask if he can call me. Not thinking that he would be in his work lunch meeting. Not pausing when I heard him try to speak of sitting somewhere. I now remember hearing babe I’m sitting in… then cutting him off. I was a hysterical mess. He calmed me. I was so upset at myself wasting the money paying the bill to now have nothing. I was disgusted because it was from money Marc had earned and not me. How could I be so wasteful. I should have known better. I have a phone already there was no need for anything different. I got greedy. 🙁
When I got home I got the internet through the back door hot spot. I got online with comcast and eventually got things back on. It was at least a 200 dollar loss throughout as now I have a new account. Costing much more money as well. I don’t have the cell phone. I let Marc get stressed at work. Spending money foolishly. I was angry and cursed out strangers in front of my girls. I let Larry’s mom get to me. Friday the 13th just sucked!
Marc told me that it wasn’t my fault none of it. That doesn’t sink in. I felt like I disappointed him. Wonder if he gets tired of reassuring me that I don’t have to take blame for everything? I can’t program my mind otherwise. I cried the entire drive home and for a solid hour after. That I had wasted money and upset him at work. I cried again when I realized I had done it while he was in the work meeting. How could I do that to him while he is busting his ass for me? Lousy girlfriend I was yesterday. I will be so much better for him today!

A Day In Bed

daniellemomof8gmailcom

So I failed to fake anything yesterday. It was impossible to hide how terrible I felt. Marc that amazing man of mine he knows all though. I got up made him some breakfast and Malachi and myself just a bit of something. After finishing I ended up asking to just lay down a bit. I …

Continue reading

Hiding My Pain

daniellemomof8gmailcom

I try hard to hide anytime I am in pain. Marc knows me well enough to know each face though. Yesterday I came home to his place and I hadn’t been feeling well the entire day. When I got here I tried to eat something and lay down praying it would give me some relief. …

Continue reading

I was beyond excited to realize that Marc would have the 4th of July off from work. YAY! I mean seriously I adore every moment of that man’s time! He warms me from within. The downfall is we just had a big expensive weekend. Both our checks will be delayed a day because of the …

Continue reading

I have 4 children with special needs. Each with very unique needs of their own. Paytyn is the child with the most struggles. He can’t sit still for any reason. No matter how interested he is in the task laid out before him he can’t stay focused for long. Mere moments is all you get …

Continue reading

Marc had planned for us to go to a pancake breakfast at the air port. It is called a fly in breakfast. I was thrilled to go but didn’t really know what to expect. I had never been to such a thing before. I was excited to be taking my son who had just had …

Continue reading

After our pet store adventure the kids wanted to laser tag. They had asked to go back to the small little spot we had gone to in our run down local mall again. That clearly wasn’t what I had planned for them. I had searched and searched for the coolest laser tag adventure I could …

Continue reading

I have to break down the bday celebration into parts simply because if I put it in all in one it would be a VERY long blog post. We did so MUCH fun stuff. My eldest daughter and my second to eldest son both had a birthday this weekend. So I did a two for …

Continue reading