What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

I’ve been bragging of my perfect love now for almost five years. It wasn’t till this year that I seen so clearly how every move he makes is because in his mind it’s to better us. Maybe just to better the kids or I day to day life but it’s always with us in mind.

To have someone in your life love you exactly how you need and work so hard for that. That is a gift let me tell you. Again, I’m not brainwashed that Marc is some perfect being he’s made mistakes and said the wrong thing. Taken the wrong action that caused me hurt. But at the end of the day if you dig into that it’s always been my best interest he had in his heart.

As it becomes more clear just how loved I am I sink into this happiness that life can’t take away. Life hits with these hard moments. These trails where you wonder if you have done something to deserve it. However when your loved so perfectly it truly doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that the older kids dad decided to take me to court on Luke’s big golden bday. Last minute after things were already planned. It doesn’t matter that the dryer caught fire and we have two weeks without one. The moment that Malachi’s car broke down right after he spent so much fixing it was swept right under the rug. Cause as a family we love each other perfect. We support adjust and bend with whatever life throws.

Standing tall at his side that’s my favorite place to be. Surgeries leaving me feeling less than desirable in appearance are washed away when I am tucked under his arm. I forget everything in his safe guarded arms. Simply because there isn’t a thing that can break that protection.

We long to spend everyday all day together. Never am I running to hide from his presence. In fact the time apart truly drags on. Recently, the social anxiety set in so that I’ve realized I don’t feel myself without his presence. Talking on the phone, hanging with friends, socializing without him is exhausting. I can’t even feel safe enough to be me. However in his presence I am a social butterfly that can’t slow down enough for anyone to understand the words I speak at times.

Moving forward I long to move to a bigger property, more time at his side. More time at home and less time with things taking me away from that. More adventures and exploring together. Building this life together for a brighter future. If you were pondering how life is. Everyday I am loved more perfect. My mental health is getting better and my life is absolutely the most blessed.

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