What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

I spent so much time thinking of how angry I was that the men I chose to bare kids with don’t do their share. Never taking the time to reflect on the strength I gained from doing it on my own. Without that help I had to find ways to rely on myself.

Not only have I learned how strong I am and what I am capable of doing for my kids. The kids and I have a bond that these men are never going to have. I have shown each of them that a woman is capable of raising over a half dozen minions on their own.

Seeing how the kids are becoming such incredible adults so much more responsible than the men that let them down. I realize there isn’t a need to be bitter the kids are almost grown now. My strength came from that anger and being alone in the parenting journey. And I love how strong I am!

So maybe in a way I am a bit grateful that I didn’t ever really share my kids. Even if that meant it left the weight of the world on my shoulders I also never had to feel the pain that these men must live in. The pain of not knowing your kids? They can’t name a teacher, name a friend to their kids. If they cooked a meal they have no clue what the quirks of their eating habits are.

I know my children. My struggles were not non existent and I was far from the perfect parent. But I was strong enough to be there. Strong enough to let all my flaws sway in the wind and still be present. The dads will tell you the fight was too much.

Yet, cps, fathers, money, fire, flood all of that hit me. I still remained present. Fighting to be so. Still not the mother I want to be or take pride in but everyday striving toward being that mother. I’m stronger because they were weak. Being bitter can’t help me be better mother but being stronger will!

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