What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

I have felt that awful double standard heavier than normal this week. The double standard where men think it’s a role of a Mother to do and his to do when he feels like it. I’m so sick of hearing them tell me they have struggles. Like I am not your therapist! Don’t come to me with the pity party as I am living in the same world except with the weight of 7 kids.

A burden that is expected of me to carry. For the men who laid down in bed with me to make the precious gift of our children it’s just not. Fighting over how they need time to get on their feet. Messages being passed through third parties that it’s just not possible for these grown men to do!

Thinking back to the times that they had prison stints leaving me to provide entirely financially. Do they not remember that while they sat behind bars and got a free ride to the financial burden of the kids I didn’t? Is it far from their minds that child support is the bare minimum for the necessities? Child support that is rare and far and between for me to ever receive.

Child support that to them is some kind of burden they don’t deserve! Can you imagine that these men expect that when they make $8 and $38 payments I am suppose to stretch that so far as to cover needs and gifts. Gifts that they want their name on to make them look like they were present. These payments never even putting a dent into the arrears carried.

It’s always I that is the bad guy. As if I am telling their kids so much negative that they don’t want them around. Not that they have pumped these poor babies full of it themselves.

These men must think I’m superhuman. What they expect of me? As if life doesn’t hand me similar struggles and doesn’t knock me down every chance it gets. I’m feeling more angry than ever with each excuse passed back to me.

They can’t be present. The kids are too angry for them to repair. Buying them gifts is beyond their capabilities yet being all over facebook with new vehicles and drinks in their hand is not. Or the famous let me buy a dog so they come to my house more to care for it. I’m at my wit’s in and ready to pack up and never look back. Why stay to be close to men who can’t hack the job given? Them being in the same town, county, neighborhood and still no effort is made. Just talk. Let’s tell our kids for Easter your gifting them… Just to leave them waiting empty again!

Ahhhh It’s just not fair. If they even gave a small effort the kids win! They deserve both parents struggling for them not one for themselves. Leaving them in the dust can’t make you feel good about yourself!

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