What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

So I’ve already told you that I have some mental health struggles. Honestly, I’ve really got good reigns on it lately and seem to truly improve daily in my opinion. Often I find myself asking Marc as well. Do you think my meds are working well? Am I normal? As if anyone really is. However there truly has been just improvement lately. I’ve got a good handle on my meds and much better at just expressing my state of mind.

Well, I found myself feeling the mania creep in. I was desperate for a reset and reaching out for suggestions with my therapist. When she suggested taking time to organize things I really thought this was odd. What on earth would organizing just anything do for my mental health? How will I get a reset on emotions from a physical act that sounds a hell of a lot like cleaning to me?

Thing is, I do trust my therapist. So even though it’s sounding totally off base to go clean some shit and feel better mentally it’s almost instantly I’m on the task. Couponing from Amazon makes things far easier. By the time I was home from therapy there were several ideas in my head on where to start.

When I got home I shared my information with Marc. Him of course being who he is he was in full support. On amazon I ordered plastic containers by the boatloads. I’ll start with the cabinets. Using https://www.swagbucks.com/lp-savings-button?cmp=695&cxid=swagbuttonref&rb=3186996&extRefCmp=1&extRb=3186996 I earned all the gift cards needed to make all my amazon purchases completely free. So there was no cost to this project from our budget.

The next day as things started to pile in and I started to fill the containers. It honestly brought significant joy and peace. Like this calming peace. There wasn’t another thought it my head. I was clear minded and focused on what would fit where. How I could make things take the least space and look neat and clean was the only thing on my mind.

Marc came home from work the first day after I started my project. At the door ready to greet and show him my accomplishments was I. It wasn’t just a reset I was feeling. Inside I was beaming with pride. I’ve never really organized on this level. Never had a home with everything having it’s place. It’s always felt like a luxury to have a nice well organized home. One I felt not only could I not afford but I didn’t deserve.

After all I had 8 kids. I was destined to have a poor life of poverty. It was drilled in my head since that first I’m pregnant. Yet, here I am buying islands for kitchen storage and sorting and stacking everything with these neat little chalkboard labels. When I look around my house as I achieve more and more organization. I’m prideful. Marc stated it was the most organized house he has lived in and I’m in the same boat. My mom was pretty neat and tidy but not this martha stewart level I’m currently on. Everyday I’ve got more ideas to decorate and make nice. With https://www.swagbucks.com/lp-savings-button?cmp=695&cxid=swagbuttonref&rb=3186996&extRefCmp=1&extRb=3186996 I’m spending no money at all making this happen. That emlimantes all the stress of the project when it’s free!

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