What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

Struggling with food insecurities and being the most fussy eater even as an adult that I know it can be difficult to eat out. You add in a couple of food allergies and things are really complicated. So I basically eat chicken. Yea, that’s pretty much the choice of anywhere I go at anytime. Unless we are eating pizza then I am pretty onboard with any meat toppings oddly.

I can’t remember really eating out much as a child or teenager. I remember taco bell with my no lettuce having butt. Begging for that on the regular I remember and mostly getting it as it was obviously a cheap meal. There are some ponderosa memories in there. An old all you can eat buffet we use to have in Saint Joe. But to be honest pretty certain I just ate the tacos there too. Maybe some mashed potatoes for a twist.

As a kid I was super picky on how things were cooked and seasoned. If you have no control where you will sleep at night, whose in your home, maybe even no control over the things happening to you that are super scary…. You will likely want to take insane control over your food. That was me in a nutshell. I truly didn’t mind starving. So sending me to bed without was fine. They did the sit at the table till you eat tacket too but not like I had any friends or anywhere to go in the first place. So I sat.

Growing up I didn’t ever really try to much outside the box. At some point I purged the mcdonalds nuggets for my own home made. It’s funny I cook lots of things for the kids. Most of my career path has been in the restaurant industry and yet never have I had much of a desire to put anything in my mouth to just taste it.

It wasn’t in fact till I meet Marc that I begun a desire to try things. He lovingly would tease me trying things all the time. No, he would absolutely never force me to try anything or even pressure. This was a tease I enjoyed playing along with.

The first leap where I tried something new was with him. He instilled this it doesn’t matter what the cost if you don’t like it we will drive and get you something else so early on that I never feared trying things. He made sure I knew that I would be embarrassed if there was nothing at all for me to eat. If I looked at the food on my plate and decided once it came I just couldn’t try he would have absolutely not gave a damn. There wouldn’t be any repercussions to it. Something in that security lead me to leap.

Coaches Bar and Grille some mac and cheese dish was what I got. There wasn’t anything at all on the menu I ate. It wasn’t like I didn’t like cheese and pasta so I thought this would be fine. It wasn’t, one bite in and I was just not feeling it. Casually into my napkin I spit feeling completely ashamed. Then I looked up to see him scoop me in his under arm and tell me that we would stop anywhere else on the way home. Or have a pizza delivered. Anything at all I wanted. His approval of my disapproval just one time was all I needed.

From there I was trying things I had never even heard of. Like the queso fondue at our favorite mexican restaurant. I didn’t even know what Chorizo would taste like. It came out piping hot and I just dove in. I’ve never had something so delicious in my life before. The salsa, I mean seriously that is like veggies in a bowl. I don’t even eat veggies but I kill through that stuff.

Last Night we went to Cheddars. This from scratch made dinner place. We have had a stack of gift cards since Christmas we have been using up and this was one. I had never been and normally before Marc this meant I never would really. Things are different with him at my side though. In I went with confidence. Ordering a meal that when it come out I about peed myself. That thing was piled high like a mountain.

It’s refreshing to have confidence walking into Cheddars even though I’ve never been there. I know my worth to Marc and that he doesn’t care how much or little I eat. He only cares about the smile on my face while I’m in his company. He enjoys providing for me just as I do him. Dinner was amazing. Those crescents that they bake fresh with that honey butter is a must! My love he changed my life and I’ll never forget it.

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