What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

Here we are half a year into my first born daughter’s college education. I wish I was here to scream of the joy it’s brought her. However I’m certain there has been far more tears than smiles. She hasn’t found her place or that best friend yet. There isn’t much love interest and she is often feeling utterly alone.

She comes home often and you’ll find her at the edge of my bed cuddled to the dog face buried into the laptop and handing frantically taking notes beside it. Her time at home is so cherished by me but it’s hard to enjoy knowing she is here because she is so sad in the place that was meant to be her home.

So desperately I want to snap my fingers. Finding her the perfect bestie. The confidence to know that she doesn’t need anyone approval to be her perfect self. Yet, all I can do is sit back and pray the pieces fall together for her sooner rather than later.

The thing I will say she found confidence in is her grades. They continue to soar and she beams with pride over them. She loves to share what she has learned. Telling me all of how she has homework done ahead and her plans to practice this speech or that. I try to remember that this is really the point of school after all and if the rest doesn’t fall into place she is absolutely rocking the education she needs.

She wants so badly to make me proud of her. To do all the things I envisioned for her and her future. She has not a clue that I’m already bursting with more pride than I can contain for her. That there is simply no way for her to ever fail or let me down. She is the epitome of perfection in my eyes.

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