What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

Honestly, I love that it’s just me the kids and Marc. The peace I have in that is unlike any other. For so long I had to fit in and had to have friends. Even though I knew that they didn’t know or even like me for who I was. Now I love the solitude of being alone and I enjoy the closeness I have with my better half and children.

Yesterday, Marc sent me to shop for myself. I truly suck at this task. So I’m deep in the boots section of Walmart snapping pictures to send to Marc. Never does it even cross my mind he’s at work without the time to help me shoe shop. Simply because I knew he would respond.

Snap snap, with a paragraph of Ebonics of how I’m struggling to decide. The pros and cons of each of the two boots I had. Instantly Marc responds with his don’t look at the price. Don’t let that play any part of the decision. He knows me so well.

So thoughtfully he tells me to get the best. The ones I like most. Don’t worry the price is said multiple times. He knows I need to hear that because it’s the only factor really in my head. Again, never do I think I wonder if his head is deep into ripping apart an engine? Or is this his morning meeting at work? I do not expect immediate answers. Knowing he is at work it’s not as though I expect those text to be quick. But I’d be lying if I said they weren’t.

It’s like he is super human and able to attain all my needs and work. From time to time my selfish ass will remember that his job is demanding and hard. It’s physically tolling to his body and mind. I’ll then try to text less trivial bullshit to him. However he is perfect and knows. He will pop up with questions of my day and sending mushy love me text that I simply adore.

He knows I need him and sincerely I think he enjoys being my everything even if it’s probably the hardest job he has. I sent text expressing my gratitude and leave notes in his lunch. Thoughtful things to let him know I see all he does for me and my mental health. No matter how much I do I can never show him how much he’s appreciated and loved. He’s saved me from the saddest life and provided for my every need. The life I have now is the one I thought was only in fairy tales.

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