What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

It’s funny how many times I blog in my head that just never makes it here anymore. Those long back road drives when I am all alone radio up and thoughts running wild in my head. I piece them together into these fabulous blog’s. But never do I return home and type it now.

For a long time I didn’t think of who was on the other side reading. I wrote for myself and not really anything else. It was about the dollar, or the advice. Just simply me writing out these confusing emotions and ramblings. Therapeutic and relaxing it was to get those thoughts and feelings out. Then I started hearing back from those readers. Ones in my family and circle. Guarded am I now as to what I am willing to allow others to see.

Here it is now just one month from the move in date for my oldest daughter. Off to this new world of college. More prepared than I ever was when I went out on my own. With this clear knowledge that she can come home anytime. In fact teasing that she gets two houses now.

There isn’t a single thing I can think of she doesn’t have. Taking care of her is my reason for being. Excited for this journey and so terribly sad to see her go. Looking back at every mistake I ever made. Sending text stating every time I raised my voice was my issue not hers. My kids can’t soar away without me making sure they know they are perfection in every way.

No idea how to let her go. Keeping her at a school close by helps ease the band aide off. Thinking of not being apart of her everyday decisions feels lonely. My best friend.

Looking forward to the shift where she makes her path and I follow her guidance. Lifting her up in every chance I get. Supporting her how she shows me she needs. The transition is here. She is an adult. I raised her to be so perfect there is no worry in what path she will take. It will be the perfect fit for her to take her steps on.

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