What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle


I often sit and stare at Marc in the early morning hours and think of all the things I gained when he entered my life. The top of that list is gaining a mother. Longing for a close mother daughter relationship my entire life that I just couldn’t achieve.

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Marc spent lots of time telling me of his mom long before I meet her. I remember him telling me that he was slowly telling his mom of my presence because he wanted her to know how serious he was about me. He wanted her to love me as he did. I patiently waited for the moment he felt was right to meet her.

Honestly if Marc had asked me a month in to marry him I would have eagerly. I’ve known without a doubt he was my forever since the moment I meet him. So his mother loving me was very important.

I envied the relationship he had with his entire family.  It didn’t bother me to go home twice a week while he went to dinner with his family. I thought I was blessed to have a man who valued family.

After meeting his mother I fell in love with her just as I had Marc. Instantly, and completely. I felt honored when she welcomed me with open arms. My worries of it being hard to accept her son taking on such a big role dating me prominent. Mentioning to Marc a few times I worried that no mother would want their son with a women who had 8 kids. The baggage that comes with that is just a burden to bare at times. Understanding as I was that could be a possibility I prayed it would be overlooked.

I crave time with his family almost as much as I crave his time. Having his mom to shop and giggle with feels fulfilling. This week we went to a Amish grocery store and shared things we had picked up in the store that made us think of Marc. I laughed and felt good from within even though I was pretty much in extreme pain from the moment I woke up that morning.

Looking back to shopping with my mom I can’t remember much. I remember a trip when I must have been maybe 18 or 19 her buying me a new outfit. It was a brown 3-4 sleeve top with blue glittering design. I picked it because it was the only one she didn’t look at me with disgust in. Every time I came out the dressing room she had nit picked what didn’t look good. This shit hadn’t gotten that reaction. I remember being thankful that we had finally found a fat girl shirt that covered me enough to please her. Never do I think she enjoyed time out with me. She seemed stressed by it and never enjoyed what I shared just had an opinion to what was wrong about it. Over time I stopped sharing and started using my time to avoid time with her.

Marc’s mom has given me all the warm fuzzy feelings I could not let myself feel from my own mom. Limiting what went in my cart because I could get a negative reaction wasn’t necessary. She didn’t look to see what sugary junk I may have purchased for my kids. It was my money so she didn’t care as to how I was spending. In fact every interaction with his mom is positive.

Can you believe he shares her!? Seriously not sure if she was mine that I could so easily share her. Greedily would want all her time to myself. I love chatting to her about Marc sharing things so I can get her opinion on how to strengthen us. Or chat about his hurt shoulder and how I can help him. She is so intelligent on so many things I just want to pick her brain.

We went walking the farm Hailey and I have been helping and hanging out at. Watching his mom with the animals was so uplifting. That gentle sweet nature. She could of cared less of the messy drool faces or muddy paws. She loved up all the animals and I stood back and watched. Her interactions with the kids seem so natural like she has been their grandmother their whole lives. Nine and a half months feels like a lifetime.

The best thing is that she makes time for us. We don’t need to be squeezed into a scheduled and have time limited. As a priority to her she just makes sure there is time. Blessed am I for such a wonderful mother to gain.

4 thoughts on “Gaining a Mother

  1. This is a beautiful post and I am so glad that you have found both Marc and his Mother. Thank you for sharing x

  2. James Buchtel says:

    Thank you – you make me so very happy.

  3. Sherry says:

    Your mother in law reminds me of my grandma. Even though I was the youngest of 36 grandchildren for her, she always seemed to have time for me when I needed it. These special people in our lives are truly a blessing! We all deserve at least one of them. <3

  4. Cin says:

    That’s so great and makes such an impact! Mother and daughter Inlaw bonds are so important. ❤️

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