What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

I have been debating in my mind writing a letter. Debating if it’s worth my time. Even debating┬áif it would lead to me feeling better or debating if it will leaving me feeling worse.
Back in forth my mind debating to put the pen to the paper. To say all that I never did. To speak of the heartache I still endure. To tell him exactly how I feel about his cop out parenting.

I debate writing a letter and inserting the nasty Facebook’s from other family members or the “how dare you speak of him that way”. Debate telling him my unfiltered thoughts.
Would that be a weight off my chest to speak freely in such a way? Or would it simply create more letters in my inbox? Would it make drama, where there is now none? Can you see why there is a debate in it’s writing?
I have thought of it often driving down the road alone debating the words I would write. It’s been weeks now the debate has been in my head. I have yet to tell Marc of the nasty emails I got. I haven’t spoke of the said debate in my head.
He’s taken on lots of work stress and his time is thin with all he’d like to do with his new large family so I’ve been just allowing my own thoughts to debate against each other. As you can see it’s gotten me no where. No one word written, not sure if I ever will. I have so much to say. I debated an open letter on my blog and yet I wondered if the truth could get me sued. Not much nice I could possibly say you know?
I just wonder do you forget the entire life you had and why you had it? Or do you make it known the actions you paid for your entire life. The awful inboxes, do I stand up and throw punches back or let the memory or those fade. Revel in you will never miss out on your kids like they will…. ????

2 thoughts on “Debating

  1. Michelle O. says:

    Hi Danielle, It’s nice to find your blog. I’ve been debating for such a long time with myself too. Whether to talk or not to talk, whether I should be frank and hurt their feelings too, or just be quiet and take it all in. I ended up keeping everything to myself. I pray that you have all the strength to go on. Take everything one day at a time. Smile – it always make me feel better. I know it will make you feel better too.

    Kind regards,

    Michelle O.

  2. Tamie Jones says:

    Hi Danielle, I say write the letter. Write it by hand and get it all out, every word. Then instead of sending it, burn it and release the feelings. I had debated expressing my stance too, but in time they show their true colors and the world sees them for who and what they are. Burning the letter gets it all out of your system and offers relief without giving new ammunition to turn on you. Hugs!

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