What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

On day two of Marc’s work trip we both walking back from our hot tub adventure spoke of never being in love before meeting. Not true love anyways. See we had never had the kind of feelings we feel so deep for each other. We may have thought in the moment with others that it was love. Then we meet. Consumed with love and adoration for each other it’s clear to see what there was before was the furthermost thing from love.

Neither Marc or I could ever intentionally hurt the others feelings we are in constant awareness of the others emotional needs. Like on this trip right now. I have been looking in the mirrors and realizing I am not the weight I want to be. I was on a constant loosing streak until Marc. He promotes eating and medication that aides with my ability to eat. So I am not losing. I’m not entirely sure I am gaining either but the lack of losing is making me pay attention. He noticed me looking at myself with disgust and has been giving extra compliments.

I want to give this man every bit of my time. I never need a break or time away from him. It never even crosses my mind. There is so much love between us that I wonder how I was able to confuse anything before this as love. Is it because we are lonely and longing for someone to share life with? The need to be loved is so great that it clouds the mind and gives us blinders?

I allowed many to treat me poorly as they claimed they loved me. I thought love was like a pass for that mistreatment. That isn’t even logical. It is however what the thought process was in my head. Those words that a man would speak I would believe and hold them to be true even when each action proved otherwise. Marc too, he has told me of his heartache’s and the way he allowed girls to play with him like a toy because he thought he loved them. After feeling what we share he knows that to not be love now too.

It leaves me to wonder how many miss out on the real thing? Thinking what they have is love. Are our brains wired to need that love so badly to accept something less than as the true love we long for? I can’t imagine a life without Marc now. He is my best friend and we share everything together. Nothing in the world I couldn’t openly just say to him. He instilled in me that he will be here forever no matter what. I believe in him and our love. The years I wasted on false love are gone but my future is bright.

One thought on “True Love

  1. Reading up on your story and it’s clear to see that you are soooo deserving of REAL LOVE after all of the sorrow, pain, and heartbreak you’ve been through. I’m happy that you guys found each other!

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