What defines me?

Yesterday I knew something was wrong as soon as I woke up. I felt sick and cramping pains through my stomach. By afternoon I had realized I was about to get my period again. 🙁

I went through most of my life without one at all. I had baby after baby. I breastfeed. I was on birth control. Basically everything that could prevent me from worrying about those nasty things was there. So just that happened I never had them. It had been 13 years since I had one when I got my first.

In fact the crazy amounts of bleeding and cramping and bruising that would sometimes cover my stomach is what prompted the doctor visit leading the the cancer discovery. Now here we are about 2 and a half years into getting them. I normally would have medication I would start taking right now. I lose a lot of blood while on my period and sometimes get them 3-4 times in one month. Sometimes they are just a few days long but more often then not lasting close to a week.

The medication I would normally take that would slow the blood flow. With the intention of cutting it nearly in half. Well that medication is expensive. I don’t have insurance. If Marc knows I don’t have it he will purchase it. I so badly want a house. I will try hard to hide not having it.

I have desperately tried to get insurance. Failing at that task at hand. I have spent months trying and I got it once simply to lose it the following month. This morning I am already in tears. Waking just 38 mins ago I have already filled my super tampon and had to rush to the bathroom to change it.

This week already I charged a walk in clinic visit where my hemoglobin was discovered to be a 6. I received a blood transfusion just to not return for the follow up. I just want to hang out with my family and if I go well I’ll be hanging out in the hospital.

I feel cold and tired. Stomach pains growing. Trying to buckle up for the ride the next few days will bring. I knew I wouldn’t be feeling well this weekend and planned a frozen lasagna to throw in the oven tonight. I wonder if that red flagged him that I wasn’t feeling good? Cereal for breakfast surely will if it didn’t.