What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

My entire life I have longed for family. I know clearly everyone is born with one right? I just never seemed to fit mine. Christmas events I wasn’t invited to. Excluded because I had “so many kids”. Spending time with family always felt like a chore. A task done because it was an obligation not just simply to enjoy. I could sit in a room full of those I shared blood with and feel completely alienated. The most unwanted member of the clan.
I was very forward when Marc and I meet of my feelings of my family. I expressed my jealousy of the closeness he had with his. Dinner twice a week at his parents. I could not remember the last time I sat to a meal with mine. He speaks daily with his sister and parents. I speak very little to mine. His memories of uncles and aunts and grandparents are so fond. My fond memories are far fewer and farther between. 

I longed to meet the family he spoke so often and so highly of. I couldn’t wait to be apart of it. To go to family dinners. To share the love he reveled in from them. Upon meeting them they were all I had dreamed them to be. They were so welcoming and sweet. So kind and none lacking a sense of humor. Each one capable of the best embracing hugs! Oh how I would come to adore those hugs.
Just one visit to his grandpa’s and I could not get enough. I wanted to give this family all my time. My love for them grew instantly. It was so easy to see the bond they all had. I listened for any and every way I could aide them. Seeing a need with Marc’s mom needing to visit her dad a bit more. I excitedly offered to help. I saw it as an opportunity to build my bond with this amazing family. It took a bit of convincing but his mom agreed to me driving her once every other week. The hour trip to her fathers.
This week we made our first trip! The morning had been a hot mess for me. I truly needed just some time to regain my thoughts. A day with Marc’s family seemed perfect. It was everything I had hoped and so much more. I seriously could not have felt more welcomed! Everyone who knows me knows I HATE HATE driving. I would not ever do it again if it could be avoided. I drove Marc’s grandpa’s car to dinner that evening and wasn’t nervous at all. His grandpa is a kind and patient man. He truly eased everything for me. Giving super clear directions and even aided in saying when to go around which semi trucks. He made me laugh the entire visit. Sharing so many beloved family memories he had held so close to his heart. Hearing of the wine making traditions. How he taught his grandchildren his knowledge. How he himself gained it.

Hearing of the love he had for his wife. The fond details of her he would recall. Her talents of multitasking. I enjoyed hearing of his new love after his wife's passing and how gaining the addition of her family was such a blessing after the loss he had experienced. Myself, I related with how much I was gaining by being with Marc. I soaked up everything. Hoping to retain each detail. My memory isn't the greatest. I felt like my own grandfather was sharing his stories. Not ever did I feel like it was Marc's grandfather I was spending time with. I felt at ease and at home the entire time. Welcome and loved. Included in talks of building OUR family up. I truly felt so blessed.
When we left and I got to spend the car ride bonding with Marc's mom even more than I already had. Her sharing her memories I felt to my core this was the family I was always meant to have. It was them I wanted to lift up and surround in my love. I dropped off his mom pulling away tears flowing. How could I possibly be so deserving for this to all be mine. At the stop sign I pause to text Marc and thank him for the greatest gift I have ever been given! He gave me his family to share! Walking into our home I fell into his arms. On his shoulders I laid my tears of joy expressing my gratitude for all the love I have gained this past year. I am one blessed lady.

18 thoughts on “Family <3

  1. And we, too, are blessed by you! I love you! ♥️❤️♥️

  2. Jamie says:

    That’s beautiful. Family is a gift.

  3. Wow 12 kids and a beautiful family at that. What a gift!

  4. Jovane' says:

    This story made me cry! I’m so happy for you! Family is super important and they don’t even have to be blood related. Just feeling like you belong is enough. That is what a true family is all about. Giving you that sense of belonging we all so desire and need. Congratulations!

  5. kage2015 says:

    So very happy you have found your forever family through your husband. What wonderful people to take you in full hearted and share their love, time and stories with you. Everyone is very blessed.

  6. Stacy Craft says:

    So glad you found your family. It is such a girft to have great in laws!

  7. Ronnie Epsi says:

    It’s heartwarming to hear that you found your family. We’re not all fortunate to have a wonderful, supportive family around us, but even if it’s an ‘adoptive’ family, we can find our place. 🙂

  8. Emily says:

    Family is everything! Sometimes, you need to find it, but its just as precious.

  9. Awesome read. I feel so much emotion in this read. Thanks for sharing ..

  10. Aditinona says:

    You are surely lucky and God has his own way of compensating, what you may not have got from your own family.. you got from his.. in the end its love that matters..

  11. Yeah Lifestyle says:

    Coming from a close knit family, its hard for me to hear what you have been through and heartbreaking too. I am so glad that you have found your family now in Marcs’. Do embrace that wonderful feeling, you are lucky.


  12. Elizabeth O says:

    It is lovely to hear you found a happy family circle by being with your husband. It sounds like you are now very happy indeed.

  13. momi berlin says:

    Which made me realize i havent thanked my husband yet for the gift of family . thank you for helping me realize this great blessing.

  14. jan@super.sk says:

    Yes, family is, usually, everything!

  15. It’s so great to have a close knit family. Am glad you found yours 🙂

  16. Chuck says:

    Reading this story really makes us emotional. Thanks for sharing your story. Glad you found your family. 🙂

  17. heatherjo86 says:

    How beautiful! I recently read an article about family and how to raise responsible children. We all can use some help as raising children isn’t getting any easier. Here’s a link: https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&issue=2018-07&pub=g18&srcid=share

  18. 💜 you are so blessed with lots of beautiful children. I only have one here and one in heaven. We will have more. But not as many as I wish we could have. I don’t think I have the patience for a whole bunch. But children are so precious. 💜 thank you for being a light in the world

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