What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

When I turned 13 my step dad entered my life. I know that must have been a wild ride for him. I had lots of boundaries to test and limits to push to make sure he wasn’t like everyone else had been. To make sure his love was genuine before I could or would let him in. I am still not sure that was ever obtained as a child but I can say that looking back now I remember far more good than I do bad when I recollect of memories of him. The biggest thing I remember is princess kisses and math home work. I was a whiz at math but I would pretend to not be so I could have his time helping me. I would even create homework I didn’t actually have for that time. Being a step dad the physical affection can be a bit more uneasy. I am sure that is why he gave me the kisses I so fondly called princess kisses. He would kiss my forehead and tell me he was proud of me for any good math grade. Typically a half hug around the top of my shoulders and a kiss to the forehead. I use to crave those things and bust ass on some math to get those lol. The other day my daughter and I in the car and she says mom you know what I like the most about Marc. She liked the hugs! He gives her a hug whenever she accomplishes a goal set before her or set by herself. He gives he a hug when she gets her school work up. He wraps his arms around her each time he is proud of her. It resonated deep within her as love. When she spoke so fondly of the hugs she loved I remembered the princess kisses I so adored. Marc fulfills that need for me now too as he knows those kisses meant so much as a child he showers me with them now too. Hailey said she never had anyone hug her like Marc does and I knew exactly what she meant. I know he is the one just as Rik was the one for my mother all those years ago. I know her resistance is the same I showed Rik. See she has opened up more than once to be left with a whole in her heart and Marc will have to take the time to mend it before that will dissipate. I know she loves him and I know she wants his time but giving time is a vulnerability she will not easily give him. I can’t wait for her wall to crumble and her revel in his love for her.

5 thoughts on “Such a small sign of affection can have a massive impact on the heart <3

  1. tripx713 says:

    As a step-father, I understand the hesitancy and boundaries. Trust is earned and then the real fun begins. My step-daughter used me as a go-between for things she feared broaching with her mom. She trusted me to not get emotional about stuff and to be level-headed. She also trusted me at my word…I always followed through on my promises, either for punishment, or for fun, and everything in between. I regret having to practice tough love with her when she got addicted and treated me inappropriately, insulting me and my new wife (her cousin). I’m still here for her, but she is still locked in her addiction, being enabled by other family members. My heart aches to have a relationship with her again as she was “my little girl” from the age of 4…She’s 28 now, a mother of four (2 have been given to other family members), not married, and addicted to whatever she can get her hands on.

    I miss her and her children. I miss the closeness we once had and her hugs.

    1. daniellemomof8gmailcom says:

      Addiction is a cruel s.o.b it takes from everyone involved and gives nothing but heartache in return. 🙁 I am so sorry your going through this. I will keep you in my thoughts.

  2. Aww, affection is also my love language. It makes the world look a better, warmer an safer place.

  3. iJeverson says:

    It’s an honourable experience to got affection from step dad. I mean, it’s not easy looking for ‘external’ man from our original family members to loves us

    1. daniellemomof8gmailcom says:

      To be loved by choice is an amazing feeling. Thank you for reading 🙂

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