What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

So some time ago I removed most of my family from my social media account. I hardened my heart and removed them from my life for the most part. I had too many feelings to even deal with frankly. I held lots of anger with the divorce of my parent’s. I had stayed in a relationship that was toxic and abusive because I thought it was the example my parents were leading and what my father would have wanted. ( my step father) After getting together with Marc I felt equipped to handle my emotions in a healthier way. He gives me this strength I can’t even explain. He is the balance in my life. He protects me, my heart feels far less vulnerable with that protection. I don’t feel like I’ll ever be alone again. So I started to allow family back in. Family I wanted in but feared rejection from. Today I got to see my dad. I hadn’t seen him since I worked at Aj’s well over a year ago maybe even longer. That visit in itself being a very short visit. Today we were to meet at a shooting competition. I was thrilled to be able to support him and visit… The competition was to last from 9 am to 2 pm and I had planned to be there around noon hoping to watch then catch a bite to eat somewhere. At 930 he messaged me to dress warm. Marc and Malachi were still asleep at the time I messaged we would be coming a bit later and thought nothing more until 11 am while proceeding to leave and I got a message that it was over and they were leaving. I had missed the opportunity and I was completely devastated. The tears flowed down my face heavy and I couldn’t stop them. Marc held me and tried to provide comfort. My phone goes off again and it’s my dad asking where I am and he would still like to meet. My heart rejoices I leap back from the bed to get ready. Malachi, Marc and I head to Ihop to have lunch with my dad. The hug he embraced me in was the greatest hug I have had in some time. Malachi was rambling so fast to get everything that papa had missed papa barely got a word in edge wise. Two hours had flown by of just talking and talking before it was time to part. I left feeling like I had regained my dad. I felt almost on a high. I would not ever had reached out had I not had the love of my life at my side for whatever I may need him for. He is my knight in shinning armor.

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