What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

I just tried to lie to the one I love the most. I do it all the time. It’s natural and has been for some time. I lie to everyone who ask how are you feeling… I respond with I’m fine all the time. Even right now the laptop on my lap myself sitting on the toilet stomach a hot mess because yesterday I ate food. So today I’ll pay for it the entire day.  I strongly dislike pity. I hate the I hope you feel betters. I dislike those who are around to feel better about themselves giving to you… I hate people carrying things for me or even opening doors. I hate being treated like I am sick because I hate facing I am sick. I would much rather live a lie and say I am fine when I most clearly am not then face the reality of my life…… How do I break the natural habit to lie? Will he still love me if my answer is never positive? If I always say no I am not okay I am falling apart at the seams mentally. I am physically feeling drained and ill and frankly like death….. ? I would hate being with such a debbie downer and I already am more negative than I should be. It’s not like those who love me don’t see through the lies especially him. Today is just an emotional yucky don’t feel good kind of day! 🙁

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