What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

After buying my freedom I thought my house would just become my home. That things would fall into place and I’d feel secure again. It never really happened for me…. It’s now been 3 months here and it’s just four walls. I walk into his front door and that feels like home. The kids are better behaved the environment far less stressful. My heart feels full there. I take pride in cleaning there while at my place cleaning feels like a daunting task I may never complete. I’m sure his gratitude also makes task of that nature more enjoyable as well. I feel much more like his partner there even if he isn’t home. For some time I have teased of moving to his yard with an rv. Simply because his home doesn’t have the space required to mesh the households together and neither does mine. I wish now I had fought for my mansion as it would have held us all perfectly. Marc is the knight in shining armor who saved me. I have been avoiding moving into a bigger trailer and really just uncomfortable in my home since moving in. I’ve tried to feel positive about being here and I can’t. I wanted this for Allen but now Allen wants us with Marc. How do you ask a man to take you and your army of kids and move as one? I can’t find words for that. Truth is I never had to. He did! He sent me a text and said how about you move over to a bigger trailer until we find a home together. TOGETHER!!!!! I screamed reading it. He wants us to live together to have us to come home to every day for the rest of his life! My mind was blown I honestly think I was in shock cause I didn’t even respond to him for several moments and then I didn’t have words to express how darn happy he had made me. He wanted to take on all of us as his family. Make us a whole his zoo plus my zoo. It’s all my mind can think of now being with him everyday. Having his arms to have comfort anytime I am in need. Having him to help me raise my children. The example our relationship will lead for my kids. It’s all like a fairy tale. I truly never thought I was deserving enough to obtain now it’s right before me. I can imagine house hunting process will take a bit. I will soon be with him everyday. I won’t cry or stress who is at my door and what they want from me. I won’t be alone. I hate the lonely empty feeling that consumes me monday thru friday night. The time I am with him I find myself staring memorizing every detail of him. So I can day dream of him easily while away. He is absolutely my soul mate there is not a single doubt in my mind. So full steam ahead we are going to move in together!!!!! This could mean goodbye to Berrien Springs forever…..luke



Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.