Danielle, I want to know about your cancer?

Donation For Flood Burden

My family was apart of the flood in berrien springs mi. We haven’t been home since last weds. The financial burden is great any help is appreciated

$10.00

Flood Recovery

To help my family recoup cost from hotels lost food and water damage.

$1.00

I spend much of my time volunteering and allowing my children to be as involved with church as they wish.  Which is quite a bit. One of those churches my children attend came to the house yesterday to deliver us an abundance of groceries. How grateful was I and how excited I became to see their friendly faces. Then came the question. Danielle, I want to know about your cancer. I spend so much time avoiding my health issues. Frankly I was prepared to die and decided I would not fight. So now when I’m confronted with it and it’s in my face it’s just always a hard pill to swallow. Honestly how do you tell those who care about you that you care very very little of yourself? I just can never seem to make myself a priority. Not over anything, the smallest dumbest task will keep me from making it to a doctor appointment that may have taken me months to get into. I have no desire to die I have everything to live for but I can’t make time to buy time for myself. I am terminal and hearing that made me give up. One opinion, one doctor was enough for me to say fuck it when I go I go. I don’t really know how to change my mind set to not take my health for granted. I have no intentions of ever going through chemo that is one thing I am most certain of. I think that when I went to those first couple days of chemo I seen all treatment as being that bad. I’m not sure if there is even another treatment option. If I have gone to the doctor and got some hope that there may be some form of help then I would stop returning to the doctor soon after and lose the hope I had been given. My tummy is really hurting today and my leg pain has held at a solid 8 enough that as much as I want to play with Boris and walk around with him I needed to sit my butt back down. I don’t want to be held back from life anymore. I wish I had taken the time for my health needs when it was much earlier. Is it already too late now have I burnt one too many bridges to save myself? IF I wasn’t with him would I even blog this would my cancer and wanting to live even be on my mind? 8 kids didn’t’ give me a will to live but he does….. what kind of mother am I ? I am by from my greatest enemy my own head does far more damage then anything else. me

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