What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

The man working on my home makes me legit makes me feel uncomfortable. He touches me entirely too much. So as soon as my house begins to be overwhelming or unwelcoming in any way I go where I feel better. I go where I am happiest. That is his place of course. He isn’t here right now or most of those moments that I need a break from things and run to here. I feel like he is though. The security cameras make me feel safe. I don’t mind if he watches but know he isn’t. I like the idea that I can tell him too if there was a issue and he can. I love his animals they are SOOOO SOOTHING. I honest to gosh think that the birds are the best therapy when I am sad. They just make me feel so much better and calm any emotions I have because I don’t want to effect theirs. When I walk through these doors whatever I am going through it passes and I just feel like I can figure it all out. My head clears and my nerves calm. I almost always can blog more freely here although occasionally the birds are a distraction from that. I feel their love and love them as children. His children. I kind of see his entire zoo like that. I accept and want to learn all I can about them from him to know how to handle them and what each means to him. He asks often if I am scared but I never have felt anything scary or intimidating here. I trust him immensely so I have been startled a few times but never feared anything in his house. I had major fears of knives before coming here. I mean MAJOR but they pretty much lay all around the room I sleep and I haven’t ever feared that. Not even day one… coming here him as a total stranger. This was my happy place even that day. I laid in bed with him and felt comfortable as if I had known him my entire life from the moment I walked into this house. Is that what true love always feels like? Is it always that instant? I knew the moment we made love I was going to fall hopelessly in love with him. I have not once doubted he was my “the one” and I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t do to make him happy. His smile, oh that smile it warms me up from the inside out. I just love his smile. That cute little bump on his chin just to the right. The wrinkle in his nose he makes when we make love and I’ve got him to climax. The way he looks away when he finds me staring at him. I know he hates me staring but I just can’t help it I love every detail of his face. He is my happy place. This house is my home too. My heart tells me so. us

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