I wonder if I will always be like this… Moments after making a post of fearing making the unforgivable mistake I make another one. One he has already said not to make. He already voiced his opinion clearly on me not doing exactly what I just went and did. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t get out of my own head to be loved. I mean he wasn’t mean or rude to me letting me know I was fucking up again but i still cried. I cried for like twenty mins my eyes are burning in this very moment wanting to cry because I am so disappointed I just fucked up. I want to be perfect for him even though I know it doesn’t exist. I hate being so low all the darn time. It’s only a matter of time before I ruin this relationship either with my negative mind or my mistakes. I want so desperately to change all that is flawed about me and be loved. I love him so unconditionally.