What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

So if someone had told me that I’d have stayed even a moment in this hotel I would have assumed it was only in a dream. I am not in a dream though this is real life me sitting half naked with my fancy cup of water about to tell you about the fairy tale I lived last night. The man I have at my side is so remarkable I think my story should start there. My amazing boyfriend is the hardest working man I have ever meet. He worked his ass off all year long and earned himself his third year in presidents club. His work through a bash for it. Taking over the entire Ritz Carlton in Chicago. When he invited me I don’t think I had a clue what I was in for. Honestly I say yes to every date he invites me on because he is a blast to be around. His smile just warms my heart and brings me joy. I had spent three weeks waiting for this trip. The dress shopping I had blogged about. I had big plans for hair and make up I was set on making sure that I made him look good on his arm. My only care in the world was that he was happy last night. Of course he had the same intentions. Before leaving I was up early as I always am when my phone rang. I thought about not answering it. Even with the best intentions my mother can drain me of everything positive in a shear second.  I picked up the call…. I was so excited to rave about how beautiful I felt and how thrilled I was for my trip I didn’t even let her speak before I started to boast. Then the advice spewed from her mouth like venom. Don’t speak she says. Don’t speak at the dinner you talk to much you will embarrasses yourself and him. My voice fell in pitch. Don’t speak? What do you mean. You talk to much about yourself and no one will want to know. Ill be the poor fat girl in the room. Leave out everything that makes you you while talking. Just listen for a change. I have meet Marc at my worst I haven’t been this low in a very long time.  But he really loves me. I don’t think he would have invited me if he was worried about that. I took some time to let the venom sink in and sulked in a very hot shower. The jewelry my mom was to bring wasn’t coming. Three weeks wasn’t enough time for anyone to come through for me… anyone again being my mother. I never asked for anything she just had offered. I had somewhat hoped she would show with that jewelry and be a mom help me get all pampered for this like all the missed chances when I was a teen. Silly isn’t it that I had wanted to be the center of her attention. I had even asked her to take some kids or let me know if she could…. She never mentioned doing so after I asked. I had figured all the daycare long ago but my heart still hurt she never said a word. Paytyn is 6 and a half years old and never been to his nana’s home. So I finally got off the phone. I was determined to not let anything she had said rain on my parade. I got dressed and ready and then my amazing bf showed up early to take me and my daughter to get our nails done. What a treat. It was so much more special that she got to go with me. I love including my kids it makes me happy.  Despite everything I felt amazing. My smile couldn’t be faulted while I stared at him sitting on his phone waiting for me at the nail salon. When he shopped for my panty hose and told me of the women staring at him I felt so warm. I am happy not some happy I pretend for my kids but a genuine happy! WE arrive in Chicago and I am in awe. The place is so breath taking. It’s extravagant and everything I had imagined it had blown away. The ball room chandelier was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It must have been 30 feet long. It took only moments for me to feel out of place. Then he put his arm around me and it was gone. Every touch he placed upon me took away my insecurities. I didn’t speak much because my mother’s voice was in the back of my head. I felt embarrassed sharing my profession.  I didn’t eat much as I am the pickiest eater on the planet and allergic to sea food which is what most fancier places always serve. I loved being at his side. HE went out of his way always to make sure I was comfortable. A day to celebrate his achievements turned into a day he made me feel like his greatest achievement. He and I laid in each others arms on the sofa under the winder of the Chicago Sky line watching the jets and the helicopters as they passed. It was blissful. I feel so safe, wanted, desired, adored in those arms of his. Loving him is easy it never hurts it doesn’t feel difficult or stressful.  It’s natural and wonderful. I had the greatest time of my entire life. I think the best part was him bending me over the window and having his way while we could see the city. Every time I see a Chicago building Ill think of him making me climax watching his reflection in the window of the ritz wondering if anyone in any of those windows were watching us. I am positive it was a first class show.

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