So as I have grown stronger and began to stand I started to realize escaping this prison wasn’t something I was able to do alone. So I reached out i started to utilize the assets I had. I made a post to social media and the first response made my gut turn. Society plays a HUGE role in why we don’t speak up! The first response was to be careful posting this it will get you in trouble with cops or cps someone could get called. My first time reaching out I instantly felt worry not worry for cps or cops worry if I spoke up repercussions would come. First statement to a victim is to be careful telling you could get yourself in trouble. She was right she was looking out for me. That is sad because a victim can get in trouble if they have allowed themselves to be in a situation with kids present. That is a fear in a mom’s head who is already being belittled so bad daily she has no confidence in her own abilities to do a thing. So when you shake your head wondering why on earth a women would stay with a man who could put his hands on her imagine how on earth she could leave. I am still digging some strength from the bowels of my gut and I am pushing forward. All yelling and hitting all negative actions from him have completely stopped I left the house when they begun and I have only returned so that I am able to find a place. This is my place but it’s not one I can call home anymore it’s not safe and secure feeling for me. He is full of I am sorry’s but they are still directly followed by I can’t believe you can be so heartless I can’t believe this doesn’t hurt you to do to me. The selfish statement of pity is following every apology he spews. I brought up going backward to the kids and they got excited thrilled even. I already read them writing their friends that they hoped it came true. I guess I shouldn’t feel so awful about a back step that makes them so happy. So I’ll make the trip to my old landlord as soon as my truck is legal.