Looking for validation that was never there………

I never managed to graduate high school even though I did give it a valiant effort there for a moment. I did get my ged with ease in fact with extremely high scores. I remember going into the family investment center in benton harbor on m139 and taking the pretest and the lady raving about my scores. She said I needed no classes that they were offering to pay for all my testing. I was 18 Allen must have been 6-9 months old. I was living with my grandparents. They took me to the test and were sitting in the truck with my baby. I clearly had no time to waste. I remember being told I only had like 3 hours idk may even been 5 to take all the test. I did them all in under 45 mins. She told me to go back through them and I should have Im sure I could have really increased my score by doing so but my baby was in the truck. So I told her I had no time. I had to go my son was outside with my grandma and and I had to go. I could tell she feared me passing the test at all. That I had rushed and surely would fail. She spent 8 entire mins looking through to see I answered and trying to convince me to take more time. Keep in mind she knew that I had only taken my freshmen yr of high school and I didn’t get credit for like half my classes so it actually appeared I had taken even less. I passed every section. I passed them with flying colors. My grandparents were the only ones who cared. Not that they should I was a high school drop out that did what really passed a test saying she was equivalent to graduating? It was the easy way out really.GED Test 2017 Strategies, Practice & Review with 2 Practice Tests: Online + Book (Kaplan Test Prep)┬áSo anyway 8 babies later Im scrubbing toilets at jds truck stop. Nastiest lowest paying job I have ever had in my entire life actually. But I loved EVERY single coworker so incredibly much that didn’t matter. I did my job well and with pride. I had been there an entire year. Then Hailey Jade told me that she wanted to have my job when she grew up. Asked me if she needed college for that. I had 7 babies in a trailer at the time. So I freaked out signed up for college at southwestern Michigan. My first semester I had take like 16 credits. It was go big or go home. I filed for a pell grant. Then I started writing essays for scholarships I remember I wrote one about what flavor ice cream I was and why. I won like 5,000 just from that one. I adored school I mean every single aspect brought me the greatest joy in the world. I called my “Dad” everyday it felt like sometimes multiple times a day. I had to brag about one grade or presentation or another. My business teacher was profound. I was instantly hooked. I excelled. Slowing the calls stopped getting answered and I stopped calling so much. I kept remind my dad that I wanted this brick I was so desperate to put my name on this brick. It had been mentioned that since I hadn’t gotten a graduation party that I would get one for college grad. but I simply wanted a brick that I could show the kids and grand kids. Your mom did it with all 7 of you. Some of them even remember that I took all of them to my final exam. They sat outside in the waiting area with a pile of quarters and a few laptops. When graduation day came no one but chuck and the kids were there. The brick had needed to be ordered by a certain time I remember asking Rik if he was going to and him saying of course. He never did. But as I always do with my kids Chuck stepped in and made sure my brick was there. In the exact place I had wanted it where I sat and read and studied everyday with paytyn. We had no internet at home I would go there on days I didn’t have class with the kids to study and do homework. He made sure it said exactly what I wanted and turned it into a heart felt moment for me. I had worked so hard the entire time hoping to make him proud all the calls all the copies of my grades I would message him. But there were the 8 ppl that were always there. I couldn’t see that then I remember being in tears and not even going to dinner even though Chuck had worked so hard to arrange dinner plans and even to budget and find the money to make everything he did possible. I pouted the entire night put my asc. cert. in the file cabinet and left it there. It still sits there. I had options to go to Andrews and Ferris….. but since it hadn’t gotten me the attention from my father I had clearly wanted….. I started working more and forgot all about furthing any education…. Except I had signed up to go and never followed through with withdrawing properly. Ruining ever going back ……………Funny how someone else enthusiasm or lack there of can ruin your own.

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