What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

Woke up about an hour and a half ago and in the 3 min walk to the bathroom I knew it was coming. By the time I returned to my bedroom I was in tears. When I first got diagnosed back in March I was given a few things for pain. I still have those same scripts not once have I gotten a refill I am really against taking meds. I firmly believe they do more damage then good and should be taken in a absolute need situation. Well by 7 am I was at that point. The pain starts in the muscles that line the inside of my right thigh and my pelvis area. What is that your groin or something? Idek but it hurts like hell. Then the pain runs through my thigh which is more of a feeling of razor blades running down my leg. I would estimate it feels like about 100 of them. That burning sensation when the blade first pierces the skin. ┬áBy the time you get to my knee the pain is duller and further to my ankle it completely dissipates. It runs around the back along my hip and buttock. and down the back of my thigh. I have spent the last hour massaging my own leg because pressure does help ease it. I have thought seriously about cutting off my right leg and just being wheel chair bound. If I knew that meant no more pain it would already be done. I’d give up walking in a heart beat to ease this. 7 out of 8 babies with no pain meds. it did nothing to prepare me for cancer. Snow day today so movies and snuggles with the minions. Here’s to hoping the pain meds provide me with some relief soon. Tears are flowing faster then I can wipe them away this am.

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