What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

At one time I somehow came to live with my grandma dee’s second husband’s daughter and her husband. I can’t honestly remember how the move came about. I moved constantly and it was nothing out of the ordinary for me. They spoke of a family and stability and all they could do for me. They had a two bedroom apt on the top floor in a Mishiwaka apartment complex. There was a huge pool although I only remember swimming in the thing once. I was going to high school in st joe michigan still living over a hour away from it. I remember everyone thinking I’d drop out living there. But I had a plan to show them. I found a girl to carpool with from all the way out there. I was dropped off at a gas station every morning where I sat and waited for my carpool. I gave my lunch money for gas to get myself to school and went without eating every single day. I was a freshmen that year. I got a job in Niles the man who owned the dairy queen there he was on my school board. I was attending a private school which I actually did really love. I am not sure I ever let anyone know that though either. I had a calm life. I had no friends that I spent any time with outside of school then. I worked I went to school. I spent my checks on food and needs.  I had a good life. Until a Christmas card was found in my bedroom. The woman I lived with swore I had opened a Christmas card that had came in the mail hoping to find money in it was her thought. It didn’t even make sense in my mind. I knew who the card was from I knew there wouldn’t have been money and I had a job no need to bite the hand that was feeding me. Her marriage was struggling. They were fighting more and it was clear I was the new place to lay blame. She took me to work that day and informed me I couldn’t stay there anymore. I never got to even go back to collect my things. She packed up what she said was mine and took it back to my grandma dees. I remember thinking at the time that yet another family found me as a problem. I didn’t fit anywhere and I was totally unwanted. I never went back to school after that. I soon after lost the job that I loved and the stability I was clinging to was all gone. I run into the couple all the time who are now divorced the child they had while I was living there often plays against my girls on the softball field. They don’t even make eye contact with me. These ppl who claimed to be my family….. Of course my grandma’s husband since died as well and they make no contact with my grandmother after that either. I remember being at their house was the most alone time I had ever had. Everyday I would put my cd walk man in my pocket my headphones on and walk the apt. complex it was huge. As long as I lived there I never meet another person in the complex. I walked everyday though looking at the geese and the waterfalls. Talking in my head of how I was going to move forward how I would get my own place soon and a car. I had so many plans in my head walking those side walks. It was taken over a Christmas card being opened. I still stand by the fact that I didn’t do that. I am unsure if she did it or he did or just an accident by their child. The smallest of events have the ability to change everything in your life.

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