What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

Yesterday felt as though it dragged on for an eternity. From 6 am on I was exhausted, defeated, and felt as though I was Dory treading water without a clue as to where I was going. For two days I had been searching for my cell phone. I just knew one of the kids had it. Because my phone is off I have had a texting app downloaded so that if need be I can text Chuck his dad his mom whomever. But because the phone doesn’t have a memory card inside of it that is the only app it is able to hold. It can’t hold one of the kids games too so I made it off limits. Prior I hadn’t been using it  much and let them have free reign. It take a cell phone or a tablet to turn on the chrome cast. So anyway that morning as I am sitting down in the hallway upstairs the point in the middle of all the rooms so I can do checks without climbing down the stairs because my leg was killing me. So the first set of kids are off. Aj comes upstairs to tattle that Malachi took my phone to school. Mind you I have a NO electronics to school rule after it was abused by all of the kids taking them. I only make an exception if they are staying after and will be using to get ahold of me. So anyway then Clare looks for my charger that too has been missing the same amount of time. I tell Clare to check Malachi’s room now that Aj said he had the phone. Guess what there is my charger under his bed. It’s pretty obvious it’s mine as it is green my fav color and I am the only one with a green charger. At this point I know once again Malachi lied to me. I had taken him to dinner the night before. Chuck goes up to the school where Malachi lies to his face that he didn’t have the phone. It’s in his pocket at 100%. He swears it’s cause he is wearing Allen’s old coat. But the coat had been in the donation pile because it didn’t fit Allen I gave to ky the day prior because he claimed to have left his at school and didn’t wear one home. Malachi got off the bus acting as those he had no idea what I was talking about had not done a thing wrong. expecting privileges for  doing unfinished home work that was weeks and weeks late the day before. Hailey and Clare and Klowey fought pretty much all day long. Malachi and Allen can’t get along for two secs. When planning a sleepover tonight for Clare I had to make plans for kids I knew couldn’t get along so clare could enjoy her time with her friends. Aj will stay because he will play with Clare’s friends little brother who is also staying. But I know Paytyn having autism makes socializing for him hard so he won’t be here tonight. Klowey won’t either as she tries to steal Clare bears spotlight.  I spent the entire day fighting with kids to stop fighting and to get their chores, projects, homework, and laundry put away. I was asleep shortly after 8 pm. Waking up at 530 am ready for whatever today brings to defeat me so I can conquer it and move on to tomorrow. I spent my down time yesterday while the minions were in school looking up therapist. I think I am going to send ky. He has been having counseling with a pastor for some time but maybe a different approach is needed. I think the insurance will cover some of that financial burden but I am not positive since Keith has this new insurance. It’s worth looking into though. Also going to family therapy. I wish there was a handbook for this. I honestly have taken more parenting classes then anyone I know. I truly knew and reached out to all my resources when the kids were little. And it aided me so much. But there isn’t a class throughout that that gave insight to teens and preteens. Or adhd or some of the anger issues the boys have. Or autism or Aspergers I just keep reading and reading but I wish there was a brain I could pick. I loved going to group parenting classes and picking each others brains. I have 11 cert. of completion for courses I took. Nothing prepared me for this phase. It’s hard to even remember these are my kids some days. Because to be honest and I know every mom probably says this but I really did have very well behaved respectful kids. The last 6 months has changed drastically  especially for Malachi.The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively is currently the book I am reading. I am thinking about maybe I could host a parenting pow wow for mommies…… at my house mommies with teens we can share stories support each other. I don’t have any kids on Weds night at my house it would be perfect. Except I haven’t socialized in a long time where would I even find mommies lol. 🙁 Some times blogging is lonely like talking to yourself…………………………….

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