What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

It’s been awhile since I wrote but when I am sick seeming to have much focus to accomplish anything is difficult. I spent many days recently very sick. I didn’t hold down anything solid or liquid for what felt like an eternity. I was getting sick everywhere I went. Even planning time between stops that I could take time out to be sick. I got sick one night driving home from chuck’s work. My daughter sitting in the back seat having been so excited I finally got out of the house with her for a dinner and movie date. I got sick down the side of the van and she just calmly said don’t worry mom I’ll clean it up it’s okay mom it will all be okay. I cried in the kids arms, their dad’s arms, I cried silently. I was in pain for days. The vomiting hurt my ribs and stomach muscles. I am not getting use to just packing a towel wet wipes and a change of clothes to clean myself up since I have no control over my bladder. Chuck is posting the least flattering pictures I can imagine on facebook of me sick. I hope no one remembers those days. I hope they fade quickly from both the kids memory and everyone else who has the harsh reality of seeing me sick. I hate being sick I hate what it takes away from me. It’s taking everything away from me.

On a good note today and yesterday were both okay days. I haven’t gotten sick at all. Even though there were a few moment’s I had some concern’s that I might. I didn’t deep breaths and being stress free really helped play a role in getting through those moments. Tomorrow I am going to try to get in a little shopping within two blocks of home though just in case it doesn’t go well. I got some cleaning done in the boys room today got paytyn a new dresser.

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