What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

I am sitting outside on the bluff the wind is blowing like crazy it’s incredibly refreshing. The three girls all inside of Tim’s and Schu’s and Food District selling away at the fundraisers. Me enjoying the quiet moment to think. It’s crazy what ppl allow or tolerate now and how much Money plays a factor in that. What is acceptable to us when it helps finance us is completely different then something that isn’t….. Been paying attention to those I allow in my life and what they allow in theirs. My kids follow in the examples of those around them. I don’t let many in their lives so Im pretty picky with those I do. I wasn’t always that way and wish I had been.


Someone told me I am being to hard on my ex husband the other day. I sat on that wondering if I should or would speak on it. I have spent my life hiding in the lies that were my first marriage. I let a man walk on a rape case to protect my husband. I allow him to tell his twisted tale of events that lead to the day he was incarnated for almost taking my life. That is no exaggeration I truly thought I’d die my face bashing against those bricks so many times. I let him continue to tell our minor children that he snapped and it was my fault because I cheated. ┬áHere is the real events of that night. My husband at the time and myself had 3 children. My husband was wanting an open marriage. I am 19 yrs old pregnant with our fourth child allow at the time we had no idea i was. My husband had been sleeping with on a regular basis in front of me our married babysit. No her husband had no clue I was their cover story I lied for them. I left the room for them. I belittled myself to no end for that man. This had not been the first girl there were many. On this night he had went to the bar I am not old enough to drink at the time I am his dd. HE tried repeated on the mic for karaoke to give me away. I was mortified and cried repeatedly at the bar that night. Keith was hammered. We got home and he fucked the babysitter but she left. To her husband I am sure. He later had a child with this woman again during our marriage. That night he got hammered cussed and screamed yelled. I went to the neighbors we had lived in a duplex and he got me high. Keith swears he watched us have sex that wasn’t even possible since I was only in the living room smoking. and then in the kitchen never even in a room at all. He drags me from the living room across the carpet. At this point the cops are already called but idk it. The neighbors call. HE take me outside punching me then bashing my head into the brick on the side of our home. Over and over. Two of my teeth chipped that night. My face was swollen and bruised. This was not the first time in fact we had family portraits my gma and mom had paid for that had a black eye in front a prior beating. Did i cheat yes i had but not with the neighbor with Jeff. Keith had told him to sleep with me and had told me to. He claimed pity party and left me for it later taking all my kids things and shutting off the gas. I climbed back up from that too and got everything my babies needed then and got them back too. I am absolutely not hard on that man I expect and demand respect that is the absolute end of the story. I have been raising his babies alone for the last ten yrs. prior he had played a part but not sense. He can’t name a teacher they have ever had he has not been the father he should have been. Can he make up for that of course. Will I have his back he continues to tell my kids to lie and hide shit from me no way!!! I give him that respect and I damn well had better get it in return. I didn’t demand anything during our marriage and I let him take all my happiness away for a long time. I couldn’t even let someone love me. And news flash WE SHOULD BE HARD ON ALL PARENTS!!!! WE ARE DEMANDING THE BEST FOR OUR CHILDREN!!!

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