Somewhere in the middle of all the stress. I forgot what my heart wanted and needed. I forgot that forgiveness and understanding are the things I want to give those I love not the cold shoulder. No one is perfect. I have gotten lost in the tragedy that has become my life. Cancer has completely changed who I am. My heart aches and I feel completely alone. I created my own darkness. I pushed everyone away. I didn’t have time to understand others because I couldn’t even understand myself. Emotionally I have never been through something so trying. It was and continues to be more then I can bare. I am just trying to survive………. I never meant to hurt anyone. Especially the one that meant the most. I don’t even know how things changed where or when it got so twisted. When my mind and heart got so clouded by the drama I could no longer feel or see the love……… Maybe they were right and you didn’t love me. But I know now I still love u. I can’t make things right I have no idea how and I have no strength. But causing you pain has left me nothing but empty. Hollow inside because I became just like the rest in your life. Everything I was angry for I became. I never meant to. Forgive me.