What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

I was 17 pregnant with my first child. Truth be told it was something I had wanted for awhile. Feeling without love at that age makes you going looking for it in the places it seems easiest to find. I meet Allen’s dad at a party I had gone to with my best friend at the time Nicki. The two of us were very close she was really all I had at the time. I was living with my grandma who had just gotten remarried after my grandfather’s death. I was super close to my grandpa and didn’t take to well to the new marriage. I didn’t handle change to well in general but at the time I didn’t see that and I’m not sure anyone else cared to pay attention. My mother and Keith’s were both on the same page when they heard the news. Abortion was the only option. My step dad was tunnel visioned on adoption. Keith swore it wasn’t his child at all. I was working and I knew without a doubt from the moment those two lines appeared I was keeping my baby.

Keith was out of the picture the entire pregnancy. It was super complicated and I was induced early. My mom was there my aunt too. My mom had thrown a nana party to get me the things I needed. I remember resenting that so much. How was the woman who had just wanted me to kill my baby now having a party for herself for my child’s things? It further strained our relationship for sure. I did end up moving home from april to the end of july with my mother. I struggled as a teen mom living in her basement exhausted babysitting during the day and on the weekends for money. I can’t even remember now what our fight was. I know upon moving in I had been informed it was only to be until my 18th bday. I was pretty use to moving my entire life feels like it’s all I ever did. As an adult that has been a hard cycle to break. I packed and left before that day had ever came though and never went back.

The 14 almost 15 years of Allen’s life I have had many struggles. Allen was the only child I lived in a domestic violence shelter with.  He brought me my greatest joy. He showed me my strength.

I can’t begin to describe how incredibly proud and blessed I am to be his mom. As I had a conversation with him yesterday about school. Allen is a leader without a doubt. He chooses who he surrounds himself with very carefully. He made a statement about a boy in school making comments about the teacher being hot. He has no problem voicing that he finds that inappropriate and even states he is not interested in screwing around if your not focused on school he is and he has little time for you. He works so diligent towards his education. Having college credits before he even entered into high school.  The kindest sweetest boy on the planet. I can’t imagine my life without him I truly can’t. From crying in the basement of my mother’s home because I couldn’t figure out how to make him just sleep to crying as I watched him walk into the high school on his first day. He is my everything.


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