What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

I never thought I would be the girl who got prison letters and emails from their children’s father. I never thought I would have to explain to any of my kids why the law wouldn’t allow them to see their fathers.

I remember being on the road to Chicago when I got the call from John where he vaguely told me why our at the time 5 year old son was asking me to post bail for his dad. I remember thinking to myself this can’t be real. John would never do that. As the story played out the more information that was being passed around I soon realized how very real it all was. Cps, police at my door. My son’s dad the center of a child rape case………I found it to be the most difficult thing I have ever had to process. Everyone had their opinion about it. There were those who stood behind him and those were completely against him. I stood somewhere in the middle. Of course everyone knew where I should stand too. No matter what my opinion or reasoning was to someone it was wrong. I spent a great deal of my time distancing myself even farther when this all occurred.

I was at the trail. I had to sit next to John’s father as John himself plead guilty and described the events that had taken place. Was it forced no! Does that matter no!!! I had to step back what if that had been my 15 yr old son with a 25 yr old man. How could I stand at John’s side for this. I couldn’t. Did I love him any less no of course not. Did I run to terminate his rights no I didn’t. Although cps would have helped had I made that choice.

I am applaud by his actions. ¬†Would I classify him as a rapist, that answer is no. There were so many factors to it all that needed to be taken into account. I think John wasn’t the only to blame. Yet I agree he deserved a consequence to it all. I do not feel sorry for him sitting in prison. I will not however add to his sentence by making things harder for him. I would never speak ill of him to his child. I don’t think he is a bad person. He made very poor decision’s as a man as an adult and perhaps the most so as a father. ¬†There are no perfect parent’s or humans for that matter so hopefully he learns a valuable lesson grows and moves forward from it. I support anyone who wants to better their life. I do write him and keep in contact for his child.

Getting a letter that he has found love and he may not get out for another 4 years hits home hard. You never plan to raise your child alone. I never have words when the teachers ask where his dad is… If he is involved and why. Aj is very open and blunt and soon as he is asked his statement is my dad is in jail for putting a finger in a boys butt. (Not what happened just how he interprets it not from hearing from my end either he was very in middle when everything played out) I hate how ppl ask me to pity john for the situation he is in. I only pity what Aj had to go through because of actions his parent’s made.

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