What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

Today has been a trying day. I had everything planned to be kid free to medicate myself and rest. Seriously I just needed that. So I had planned out for the kids to go to Amanda’s ( My 1st husband’s new wife ) from there the church bus would pick them up to go to a bible class tonight. Where they love going and personally I think it’s great for them. I don’t force but I do encourage it.

That entire plan of course epic-ally failed. Seems to just be the way things are these days. Hailey got into a fight with her father over her best friend. He doesn’t feel that the best friend is the influence he wants for her. He of course not being a constant in her life is having a hard time expressing positively to her his point of view. Being 13 she feels like he is ruining her life. In fact I believe those words flowed from her mouth several times today. If I’m being real I know that 5 yrs ago hearing her say she never wanted to seem him and his wife again would have gave me a great deal of pleasure. These day’s it’s painful. I hope they bridge their gap and mend the relationship. I have been saying many prayers that my kids can forgive their father for not being what they needed him to be. I am not calling his parenting out my any means. I have no right to judge. I asked Allen again if he wanted to visit his dad reminding him of his statement that if his dad was closer he would visit more. I was hoping he would enjoy getting out of the house. Nope he said I wanted him to move next door then I’d visit. I feel so torn I want to promote a healthy relationship but I do enjoy my kids time with me. It’s so precious.

Outside of that I am starting to be more assertive with this is my home and my rules. As I notice many of the “friends” I have can be over bearing and try to impose.

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