Results, Fear,How do I find a positive with so much negative ?????

ebdfa2058f485f2c9858286b25f65220I went to my apt. today so many results it was so intimidating. Tumour 7x9cm on cervix & down into vagina, not in bowel but “against” bladder (no probs with either motion lol). Spread to pelviv nodes & x1 para-aortic node. There’s a wee 3mm “node” on a lung so I’m to have a CT to clarify that. I starred at the doctor with the blankest star…. He says are you still with me Danielle???? Yes, still here… Most days I feel fine, I look fine and my chemo starts on the 20th sept for 3-4 sessions (carboplatin & taxol) followed by chemo-radio. I have bad days where my leg pain is so extreme walking is a huge chore but again most days I am so normal I find it easy to forget I have cancer. When you hear the words from your doctor’s mouth say 32% chance survival rate for 5 yrs. Something inside goes empty. Processing this all has just been so much. The biggest fear is not being able to care for my kids. Or someone trying to take them from me. I can’t help I have cancer. I have become such an amazing mother…. Now I sit in fear that I can lose it all again. FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY MUST THERE BE CANCER!!!!! AHHHHH

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