What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

Waking up this morning with the absolute worst head cold imaginable. I realized there was so much to do this week that today was the day I had to get groceries and go pay the electric bill. I dragged myself from bed. Stayed in my pj’s since it was clear I was lacking the energy it would take to put on real life clothes. I did manage to fandangle a bra on but I wasn’t very thrilled doing so. Once in the van I debated how closely did I really need to stick to my budget because going to just one store local in my town would have been so much easier.

Days like today I feel totally defeated. As I lay in my bed completely sick and wishing I could just close my eyes for a moment. I can not however since I just severely angered my 14 year old son telling him he could not watch youtube. His 5 yr old brother looks up to him and stands at his side all day long. He is taking in everything Allen does and the youtube just isn’t appropriate. Telling that to a 14 yr old got me no where at all though.

I managed to spend 12 dollars shy of my monthly grocery budget of just 100 dollars. So I have money now for milk during the month. Sad how excited I get to come under budget. I do an incredible job at keeping under budget and stretching food and a dollar. But it is completely exhausting to constantly have to worry about. In my head throughout the day I am wondering how much toilet paper is being used and making sure I get the bottles of soap out of the shower before the younger kids get in and turn it into bubbles. Because you never realize how much that stuff adds up until you have a family my size. The worry is constant. I never stop worrying about things in my control out of my control things that are way into the future or just a moment away. Worry is ever present in my life.



Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.