What defines me?

Cancer , A Dozen Kids , Life, Struggle

The purpose of my Blog is for me to have a release. With my life often only being full of the children and my lifer I get little adult interaction and most of that is unhealthy. I plan to be raw and honest with myself as well as my readers. I do have hopes that typing and reading daily events may help not only remember since that is a real struggle but to process and make better decisions.

I am a mother to 8 children. Although 7 yrs ago I choose adoption for my son Luke. So he does not reside in my home. He lives with his adoptive parents in a very loving home. I have a wonderful adoption story I promise to share at a later time but it’s a open adoption. I have 7 kids of my own who live with me and I have often got many extras.

9 yrs ago I was told I had an abnormal pap smear. I needed to have further test. This led to me finding out I had early signs of cervical cancer but at the time due to pregnancy it wasn’t further investigated. I had set up apt after delivery but truth is I never went. In fact I rarely showed up to the doctor during pregnancies. In February I began to have really severe leg pain. Sex became extremely painful. Then I woke with bruises covering my stomach. I was sick a lot. I finally went to the doctor. Stage 3 b cervical cancer. Hit like a ton of bricks!!!!!! I made the apts. and had my mom take off work ready to take me. Then I blew it off. I mean how can I get treated for cancer and run a bar and raise a dozen kids most days???

Here we are now into September. Day by day I feel myself falling apart. The expectations my friends and family and kids put on me is insane. There is no way I can be down with chemo treatments. Avoiding doctor calls shutting off my cell phone and pretending it all doesn’t exsist.



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